HOLLYWOOD – Zack Snyder casts Gerard Butler as Willy Wonka.
Warner Bros have announced Zack Snyder casts Gerard Butler as Willy Wonka in the lead role of the prequel to the Roald Dahl children’s classic. In a shock press release by the Hollywood studio, Warner’s have not only announced Snyder is to direct the Roald Dahl prequel, but also that Butler will play the candy tycoon. The press release reads as follows:
‘We are delighted to announce Zack Snyder will direct the upcoming Willy Wonka prequel, ‘Wonka: Death By Chocolate’. We are doubly delighted to also announce Gerard Butler will star as the ass-kicking candy king.’
15 Hour Snyder Cut
When Snyder eventually completes the edit on Justice League (hahahahaha, he ain’t editing Jack shit out of that thing) he will start work on Wonka. The plan is that he will initially release a ‘Theatrical Pre-Snyder Cut Edition’. He’ll wait for it to not make the shooting budget back at the box office. Once that happens, he’ll start a load of rumors through various Twitter accounts. When they gather momentum he’ll bitch and moan about not being able to release his vision for the film and then release his full 15 hour cut that he was always going to release from day one.’
The statement continues: ‘Honestly, which one of the Warner brothers did this guy blow? Why do we keep making his fucking movies? Do you know how many fucking hours of Justice League screenings I’ve had to endure? And now this shit. Seriously, somebody please shoot me in the face. I feel like Rorschach by the end of Watchmen. Where’s my Dr. Manhattan to turn me into a bloody pile of goo? Anyway, here’s the synopsis –
It is a time of war, a time of heroes, a time of darkness, lots of darkness. It’s very, very dark. We can’t stress enough how dark everything is. Believe us. It’s fucking dark. They took his home, ruined his life and killed his parents (obviously). But he fought back the only way he knew how. By shouting ‘SPARTA!’ at the top of his voice and with extreme, slow motion violence. Oh, yeah, we nearly forgot, he also made chocolate and candy and stuff.’