Search
Friday 14 December 2018
  • :
  • :

WILLEM DAFOE’S NEW BAT DIET CAUSES OUTRAGE

WILLEM DAFOE’S NEW BAT DIET CAUSES OUTRAGE

HOLLYWOOD – The Florida Project and Last Temptation of Christ star Willem Dafoe is in hot water because of a radical new diet book that is centered on eating bats.

Radical celebrity diets are nothing new. From Gwyneth Paltrow’s Dust and Despair Diet to Jeff Goldblum’s 12-Day Arsenic Plan, but Willem Dafoe’s new diet book is causing quite the stir. Bat to Basics was written by Dafoe and nutritionist Selma Kayak and is packed cover to cover with recipes for flying rodents.

Selma came into the Studio Exec Bungalow to explain what the hell was going on:

When Willem first came to me it was the early 80s and he was working on To Live and Die in LA. We only had tree weeks until the shoot began and he was morbidly obese. I immediately suggested the rat diet which I originally discovered in Vietnam. However, Willem wanted something spicier. The bat diet was perfect. Not only are bats high in protein, they also contain all sorts of diseases which can function as naturally manifesting enemas.

Yikes!

Plus as part of the diet, Willem would catch the bats himself, which involved a lot of jumping around at twilight trying to grab hold of the little shits as they swooped past his porch light. He’s Canadian so he was very good at this.

But aren’t bats gross?

That’s the point. They taste like dead man’s dessicated knuckles. After a while you’re just never hungry. When he was making Platoon he didn’t eat for the whole shoot.

Animal rights groups have reacted with predictable blah-blah-blah.

Joan Stockings told the Exec:

Bats are beautiful creatures and many species are endangered. Willem Dafoe is blah blah blah. Blah blah boycott blah.

Bat to Basics: Willem Dafoe’s Tried and Tested Bat Diet is available from Amazon and all good bookstores.

(Visited 191 times, 1 visits today)



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.