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Saturday 24 October 2020
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WHERE ARE THEY NOW? 1. BILLY ZANE












NEW YORK –  Billy Zane has decided to begin his hot dog vending career here on the sidewalks of New York today. The Studio Exec sent intrepid reporter Hank Eisenstein to speak to the Phantom himself.



So, Billy, what made you turn your back on acting?

Well, I’ve always loved hot dogs and my acting career is in the toilet.

What makes you say that?

I think I made the actual decision to quit acting and begin vending at the premiere for Titanic 3D. That was my biggest gig and it came out in 1997. My next job is Scorpion King 3! Shit. I didn’t even know there were 2 of them already.

What have you decided to call your business?

Zaney’s is what I’ve gone for as it’s both a pun on my name and I kind of see myself as a zany guy. Do you get it?

Yes.

Well that’s the sort of comedy gold you get from Zaney’s every day, you know? Zingers like that.

What’s on the menu at Zaney’s?

Well, hot dogs obviously, ha ha just kidding, but seriously, hot dogs and soft drinks are on my menu. My special is a Titanic. I basically get a traditional hot dog, snap it in half, and have one side facing up, looking like the sinking ship. It comes served in a beaker of iced water.

Any others?

I also have the Zoolander special, which is where I write Billy Zane is a cool dude with the mustard, that’s seems like a popular choice. I played myself in that movie.

Is this the end of Billy Zane, the actor?

Possibly, I don’t want to fully rule out acting, you know, if Martin Scorsese or Francis Ford Coppola beg me to be in their films then I won’t turn them down straight away. Coppola worked with Val Kilmer not long back so it may not be curtains for me yet.

Thanks for your time Billy and good luck.

No, thank you!

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