HOLLYWOOD – The latest in a series in which guest columnist and Austrian film director Werner Herzog writes about arbitrary moments in his life.
I have always been by far the most fantastic cook that you would ever hope to have prepare food for you. When we were making Fitzcarraldo my omelettes were legendary. Klaus Kinski once broke a man’s spine because the fool had accidentally got in-between Kinski and some bouillon I had prepared for him. The poor man died horribly, but Kinski was not to be crossed and far once I did not feel his rage excessive.
While making Rescue Dawn, Christian Bale and Steve Zahn were both placed on starvation diets so that they would begin to seem closer to the state their characters’ prisoners of war predicament. This was particularly trying for them as I insisted on preparing the most mouthwateringly delicious barbecues every night for the rest of the crew. When filming was over I had promised that I would cook for them as well, and indeed I did so during a fantastic wrap party, but as a joke I prepared only the meager prison rations of worms that they had been eating. Christian and Steve couldn’t stop crying they were so amused.
Legend has spread of my culinary prowess and so I thought I would share one of my favorite recipes with you, my dear Studio Exec friends: Wild mushroom risotto.
The first thing you must do is go to the woods and collect the mushrooms. Now most people would warn you to be cautious about which mushrooms to pick but such caution is simply a pale version of mind death. These are WILD mushrooms remember. Not tame mushrooms. So pick the mushrooms and if you have picked poison ones you will die. But you will have lived.
Once you have your wild mushrooms, go home and make your risotto.