WERNER HERZOG ATTACKED BY KLAUS KINSKI’S GHOST











Berlin – Respected director Werner Herzog was admitted to hospital last night after the ghost of Klaus Kinski allegedly dropped an Anvil on his head.

Herzog was knocked unconscious and suffered multiple fractures but he was able to describe the incident to The Studio Exec:

“I have had the feeling for a while that somebody was trying to kill me,” said a groggy Herzog.

Over the course of the last few weeks I have found bear traps in my bathroom, cannonball bombs in my car and my office, and the other day I discovered my food had been laced with iron filings. I couldn’t work out why somebody would want me to eat iron filings but as I was walking through the park I saw a giant magnet appear from the bushes and felt myself being drawn towards it. Thankfully I managed to grab hold of a lamp post and evade certain death.

Herzog said he never informed the police about the threats on his life because he wanted to discover the identity of the assailant himself.

I found it fascinating that somebody would use such elaborate methods to try and murder me. Being a film director I am no stranger to death threats but they usually just threaten to shoot me or cut me up piece by piece with a chainsaw. I wanted to get into the mind of my attacker and so I hired a Criminologist to work on a psychological profile. When he told me that the man was most probably a narcissist with a chronic messiah complex and uncontrollable rage I immediately thought of Kinski but how could that be; he was dead. Then moments before the anvil struck me I looked up and saw him on the rooftop shrieking and cackling like a demented cartoon character.

Hours after he was released from the hospital Herzog was arrested for desecrating Kinski’s grave and attempting to burn his corpse.

“Every few years we arrest Mr Herzog at the grave carrying petrol and matches,” said a police spokesman.

It’s become something of a running joke but he’s clearly a disturbed individual and dangerously obsessed with Kinski. If I was to guess I’d say he dropped the anvil on his own head and as for the endless packets of iron filings we found in his pocket, who knows what kind of weird sh*t he planned to do with them.

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