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Saturday 20 July 2019
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WE BOUGHT A ZOO RIOTS BREAK OUT IN PAKISTAN

WE BOUGHT A ZOO RIOTS BREAK OUT IN PAKISTAN

ISLAMABAD – Today widespread rioting broke out in Islamabad, Pakistan, when DVD stocks of the Cameron Crowe whims-fest We Bought a Zoo unexpectedly ran out.

Pakistani film-goers have long loved the gentle comedies of Mr Crowe – even Elizabethtown which everyone else thought was fudge fingers – and sales of We Bought a Zoo, a bafflingly stupid comedy ‘starring’ Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson were breaking records when stocks were finally exhausted. Local fevers ran so high that the traditional rioting against America day (Friday) was moved forward by local leaders to Wednesday.

One protester yelled, ‘We hate America, but they do make these feel good movies very well.’

Another screamed, ‘It is heart-warming and shows how we can all rise above adversity if we have Scarlett Johansson close to us smiling comfortingly.’

White House sources said they were flying out emergency stocks of We Bought a Zoo which they had been stockpiling for just such a contingency, but feared that more Cameron Crowe related violence might break out elsewhere in the region when it was reported that Vanilla Sky which was due to be shown on state television in Iran had been mysteriously pulled. Some Islamic website are claiming the CIA are orchestrating a ‘Cameron Crowe famine’, accusations the State Department strongly deny.

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