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Monday 21 October 2019
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STARSHIP ENTERPRISE DESTROYED AGAIN: ‘SAFETY ISSUES’

STARSHIP ENTERPRISE DESTROYED AGAIN: ‘SAFETY ISSUES’

HOLLYWOOD – The USS Enterprise NCC-1701 has been destroyed again, Star Fleet revealed today.

The space ship the USS Enterprise has once more been destroyed. The deep space exploration vessel has been destroyed several times in the past, but has always been rebuilt and refitted. Usually commanded by Captain Kirk it was initially commanded by Captain Pike and Captain Spock had a short stint as a commander before then Admiral Kirk took over and destroyed the ship again. Captain Jean-Luc Picard had been the last captain to destroy the ship until the arrival of a new Captain Kirk who quickly got on with the job of destroying the Starship Enterprise.

A spokesperson for Star Fleet spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

The fact that this space ship keeps getting destroyed is an area of concern for us. There have to be serious safety issues. We’ve had this before. We did a statistical analysis and we found a surprisingly high casualty rate among any crew member who wore a red shirt. We changed all the shirts to mauve and the numbers changed accordingly. Maybe we should think about renaming the Enterprise. After all, it’s not the f*cking Death Star.

The Starship Enterprise can be seen blowing up in Star Trek Beyond.

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