KIEV – In an attempt to resolve the violent political strife currently assailing Ukraine, the UN in New York voted a resolution to deploy the Minions made famous by their appearance in Despicable Me and the significantly better Despicable Me 2.
The General Secretary of the UN, Ban Ki-moon said that the Minions would be on a peace keeping mission which sought to diffuse the violence and provide a road map for a peaceful resolution to the internal conflict which has cost over hundred lives.
Many questioned my judgement when I gave the Minions ambassadorial status last year, but now I think their worth will become obvious to everyone. They will be inserted between the forces of the police and military and the protesters who have occupied the squares.
Won’t there be an element of risk? What happens when the first Minion is brought home in a body bag?
Okay. Number one, they’re practically indestructible. We’ve tested them. You can’t burn them, drown them or blow them up. They’re impervious to bullet fire and gas. Number two, they’re just so damned cute. Who in their right mind will be able to resist them and their singing nonsense words and occasionally shouting ‘banana’. I mean, really? Three, they’re really cheap.
Despicable Me 3: Blood Diamonds will be released in 2015.