TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION: REVIEW

transformers
In an exclusive new feature the world’s most renowned primate film critic Banjo reviews Transformers: Age of Extinction.

Banjo sit in cinema with jumbo dread in belly, advertisement for human phones with stinky ass crack acoustic cover versions sung by human females with whiny voices make Banjo sigh. Scratch balls, look for fleas. Bastard fleas. Horny. Wish I brought a good book. 

Mark Kermode, English human film critic sit in front of Banjo. He ok, sometimes aloof… Mark Kermode make sniffy ass crack remarks about Michael Bay before film start. Unprofessional, but Banjo understand. Mark Kermode does not have fleas.

Film start. Michael Bay use too much filter. Jumbo noise make Banjo uneasy. Limited color range of Banjo’s eyes make dinosaur robots fuzzy.

Where Shia? Shia is friend of the monkey. Banjo wants to see Shia. Aw shit, is that Marky Mark? Mark and human friend Tim Burton are not friends of the Monkey or the Ape. Standard of primate celluloid collaboration is below standard. Banjo hungry and horny and itchy.

Is that Frasier? Where is Niles? Why does Frasier look so sad? Banjo understand deep sadness in Frasier’s eyes. Frazier has lost jumbo passions and is in the realm of wandering souls.

Film is like fleas in eye socket. Banjo is lost in time, how many hours? Film not as good as Clint Eastwood and Orangutan, but no film is. Banjo feels like he is being deliberately made to feel bad. Mark Kermode is talking on phone to human. Kermode is renewing car insurance and is surprised at how easy it is to get better deal with minimum fuss. 

Perhaps Banjo too harsh on Tim Burton. Burton film no seem bad now. Marky Mark look sad. Maybe he has fleas. 4 hours to go. Banjo leave cinema. Kermode waves but not hang up.

Banjo give this film 100000 fleas and no bananas.  

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