Transformers age of extinction

HOLLYWOOD – Mark Wahlberg is among the many cast members of the forthcoming Michael Bay movie Transformers: Age of Extinction to report waking up in the morning with a ‘weird taste’ in their mouths.

Speaking from his recently extended beach mansion Wahlberg said the taste is:

Definitely funky, and yeah, savoury at a push but not like anything you’d want to eat. I mentioned it to Stanley Tucci and he just got this far away look in his eyes and said ‘best not to think about it’ before wiping his lips with a monogrammed handkerchief and running off to the rest room. I didn’t think much of it at the time.

However, as filming continued other cast members complained of ‘skanky pallete’. Franchise newcomer Bingbing Li missed a whole day’s filming due to uncontrolled vomiting brought on by being unable to shift the foul stinky residue from her mouth.
Wahlberg has even gone as far as contacting cast members of the previous Transformers movies to see if they had similar experiences.

John Malkovich’s house is completely empty, no possessions, no furniture. The only thing he owns is a toothbrush and he will NOT let go of it. I couldn’t get much out of him. He can’t seem to remember anything about his experience of filming Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon. Shia LaBeouf was in all three so I figured he’d have more to say. But, there’s that far away look, and I swear I could smell it on him. He laughed it off and told me an anecdote about meeting Harrison Ford which I swear to God Carrie Fisher told me. 

Wahlberg also confided in some other strange goings on around the end of filming. 

I had this urge to do good, the word purge came to mind. So I gave my entire pay check to charity. Hey presto! The taste vanished. Then the next day the taste is back and on my front doorstep are boxes of cash for the sum I gave away. Hey can you smell that? Is it cheese and anchovies? Beef and chlorine? Don’t you smell it?

The ‘actor’ got a glazed look in his eyes and his attention drifted. 

Transformers 4: Age of Extinction is released summer 2014. God have mercy on us all.
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