The black Tarantino, Spike Lee, returns with a Tarantino-esque version of a Korean classic that didn’t need remaking.

The guy from Goonies (Josh Brolin) obviously wasn’t the first choice for the lead role. Hell he wasn’t even the 10th choice. Rumour has it that when Ray Romano turned it down Lee just decided to cast the next person that walked in the room.

Elizabeth Olsen will once again take her clothes off which will ensure that salivating hipster critics will swarm to the cinema on opening night and spend the movie indiscreetly rubbing their crotches through their skinny jeans with a stiff Biro.

Samuel L Jackson will play Samuel L Jackson playing the patented Samuel L Jackson role.

Violence, nudity and revenge sells like MDMA in a Glastonbury field and it will probably do a brisk trade but nobody really cares, nobody really wants it and nobody could possibly improve on the original.

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