TONY BLAIR WINS THE ‘WORST MAN IN THE WORLD’ AWARD .
LONDON – In a star-studded ceremony at London’s Soho House, former British prime minister and current middle east peace envoy Tony Blair gleefully accepted the ‘Worst Man in The World’ award.
“I’m honoured to accept such a prestigious award,” said Blair.
I was up against some of the most biggest bastards in recorded history and to be honest, I thought Chris Brown was going to be walking home with the trophy tonight but I guess hiring George Bush’s vote rigging guy to do the business has paid dividends.
Blair went on to thank several people that significantly contributed to his success:
Well first I’d like to thank my paymasters in the oil, pharmaceutical and arms industries. Obviously I won’t mention their names as they’re very private men but they know who they are. Then there’s my friends in the upper echelons of the Catholic church who supported me even when I pretended not to be a Catholic for a while. Finally, I’d like to thank the British public for making all this possible. Without those poor deluded suckers who kept me in power for the best part of a decade I don’t know where I’d be today.
The biggest surprise of the evening came when Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu appeared live via satellite to praise Blair for his tireless work in the Middle East:
Tony’s drinks parties are legendary. I remember one time Tony, Naomi Campbell, Bono and myself got drunk and started throwing water bombs into Gaza. That was one of the best nights in my life I’d like to thank him for his continued inspiration.”
After the ceremony was over Blair was cornered by a journalist who asked him what he thought about the current Israeli aggression:
Well…it’s like I said to Dick Cheney the day before we went to war in Iraq. You can’t make an omelette without breaking some Arabs.