LONDON – Tom Hiddleston – the swan murderer of Hyde Park (for more on that story CLICK HERE) and Loki from The Avengers – was released from a central London Police station under bail after a hearing at the Westminster Magistrates Court early this morning.

The presiding Judge commented that despite Tom Hiddleston’s wealth, his public persona made it unlikely that he represented a flight risk. The bail was set at ¬£150,000 and – in a piece of irony that pleased everyone present – Christian Bale was present in court to pay the sum, a service he has performed previously for Nick Nolte and Tom Sizemore.

A pale shaken (slightly dreamy) Mr. Hiddleston refused to make a statement, but was heard clearly to state that the swan had been ‘looking at him.’ A spokesperson for the Crown Prosecution Service said that they would be seeking a severe penalty against Mr Hiddleston should the charge be proven, but declined to say if they would be seeking the death penalty, which technically would still be an option.
Angelina Peters of the Swan Appreciation Society (S.A.S) threw white feathers at Mr Hiddleston as he made his way into a waiting helicopter. She said:

It is a disgrace when a leading androgynous actor can decapitate swans willy-nilly and expect to get away with it. That innocent swan had done nothing and was plainly minding its own business when Hiddleston tore her beautiful head off.

Jodie Foster has come out in solidarity with Mr. Hiddleston, but Emma Stone criticised him saying: ‘eeeewww!’

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  1. I can understand that. Swans do have a way of “looking” that’s quite uncomfortable … and what is it with those long necks?

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