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Saturday 24 October 2020
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TOM HIDDLESTON KILLS A SWAN

TOM HIDDLESTON KILLS A SWAN

LONDON – Actor and inexplicable heartthrob Tom Hiddleston was arrested today in Central London, accused of having killed a swan.

Mr. Hiddleston – made famous for his role as Loki in The Avengers and Thor – was apparently walking in Hyde Park with some friends. Upon spotting the swan, Mr. Hiddleston’s whole demeanour is said to have changed.

‘His eyes burned with a fiery intensity and a long string of drool dripped from the corner of his mouth,’ said a bizarrely articulate eyewitness. ‘Then he dashed straight into the pond and tore its head off with his bare hands.’

Accounts differ slightly in regard to the actual attack, as some say the actor bit the head off and one witness, a greens keeper, said the young actor kicked its head off.  ‘It went flying through the air, gore sprinkling and a look of surprise in its little black eyes,’ said Mr. Thunk.

As all swans in England belong to the Queen, Mr. Hiddleston could be in a great deal of trouble should the charges be proven against him.

‘The penalty for killing a swan on the books is death,’ said a spokesperson for the Metropolitan Police. ‘It is one of the few remaining capital crimes left on the books, along with treason and setting fire to Her Majesty’s shipyards. Something she despises.’

Friends of Mr. Hiddleston have rallied round and decided en masse to go to the theater tonight to take their minds off the ghastly unpleasantness.

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57 thoughts on “TOM HIDDLESTON KILLS A SWAN

    1. Anonymous

      Omg! You are so stupid. This it TOM HIDDLESTON we’re talking about. The actor who cares about his fans, cries when being rewarded and apologises for everything. He is the kindest, sweetest person in the whole world. How dare you insult him like this. I happen to be one of his fangirls and would do ANYTHING to defend him, even jump in front of a bullet for him. People like you make me sick. You obviously don’t know him at all. And he doesn’t live up to his fan’s fantasies, all he has to do is be himself and everyone is satisfied. Do not EVER try to speak on his behalf Ever again.

      Reply
  1. Lilajs Babuinobu

    Sorry, but this is just one big pile of sick impossible crappy nonsense~
    But hats off, what a great story and fantasy… maybe next time think before act

    Reply
  2. Veronica Ponce

    This story is a total fabrication to denigrate Tom Hiddleston, that description above that give the starting note actor and heartthrob inexplicabre, inexplicabre???? inexplicabre is this news, if it’s true what they say where are the pictures, and photographs where they are, show the pictures but not the actual doing with photoshop, you want to mess with people who have some please

    Reply
  3. Anonymous

    OMG I am crying so hard right now! WHY TOM WHY? I am sorry I was ever your fan and I going to burn my blue ray of The Avengers. Animals are so precious and i hope you can learn this one day Tom. You broke my heart with this. ;( ;( ;( ;(

    Reply
    1. Alice :)

      Did you actually think this is true? This was just some bullshit written by some idiot. Please keep loving Tom.

      Reply
    1. OK sure.

      What the heck-
      Imagine waking up one day and thinking ‘IN GOING TO WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT TOM HIDDLESTON KILLING A SWAN’
      I literally can not stop laughing

      Reply
  4. Anonymous

    Give Tom a chance to explain what happened. Find it hard to believe as the action is so inconsistent.

    Reply
  5. Anonymous

    Hahahaha!!! Omh. This is too funny. XD
    At first I thought it might be real, but come one. Tom, kill a swan? Yeah right.

    Reply
  6. Anonymous

    Takes a jealous and pathetic person to make up such poisonous and defamatory lies. I’d like to believe that Hiddleston would get his lawyers onto you, you’d be crying like a baby, but you’re just not worth it. You’re just the dog turd you step in accidently. Unpleasant and it stinks, but you scrape it off, walk away and forget about it.

    Reply
  7. Inky

    I am laughing so hard I’m crying!!!
    This is hilarious. Thank you for being the idiot the rest of us are too busy living meaningful lives to be.

    Reply
  8. LM

    This isn’t even half the story! I was there, and I saw him kick that swan head off. Right off. It flew – God, it must have been about 50 feet – and hit this little old woman right in the hat, and whilst myself and several others ran to her aid, Tom Hiddleston just screamed “BACK OF THE NET!” and then started making a loud sound like a vuvuzela. Shocking.

    I hear he’s in talks to play himself in the movie adaptation, but I don’t know how true that is.

    Reply
    1. Anonymous

      Are you stupid you fucking dumb ass face shut the fuck up and never tell such a shit again or I will find you and skin you and burn your heart out you stupid ass

      Reply
  9. Anonymous

    I swear anyone who BELIEVES THIS is not a true fan of his. I mean come on, EVEN I KEPT THINKING THAT IT WAS SOOOOO NOT TRUE!!!!!!! Tom wouldn’t hurt animals. That’s just NOT him!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  10. Anonymous

    This is obviously a satire meant to highlight Tom’s general niceness and kindness towards his fans and people in general. It’s actually pretty funny.

    Reply
  11. Anonymous

    ahhh this is hularious! i cant believe some people are so dumb that they actually believed it…

    Reply
  12. Anonymous

    If someone makes up stupid stories he should at least be more creative than this, I don`t think anyone believes that this crap is true.

    Reply
  13. Anonymous

    Goodness. I’m laughing so hard. Come on this is ridiculous! You are talking about TOM HIDDLESTON! The most polite guy on earth. If you are a hater of Tom and doing this to bring him down, well, better luck next time.

    Reply
  14. Loki Laufeyson

    THIS IS FAKE. IF YOU BELIEVE IN THIS SHIT THEN YOU ARE A FUCKING RETARD.

    That is all I had to say. Now let me go back to Asgard before I strangle an idiot.

    Reply
  15. Anonymous

    This is such a stupid lame joke!!! Seriously?!?!?!?! Like what the HECK!!!!!!! Which ever bastard posted this shity news can let true, faithful HIDDLESTONers and HIDDLESTON’S ARMY crush you, burn you and send hurling into oblivion!!!! This is totally a stupid news!!!!! Which ever TOM HIDDLESTON fans would believe this, you can just go and burn and die like nobody’s business!!!!!!! Why the heck will you even believe such an obvious lie?????? It’s totally ridiculous, bullshit!!!!! It doesn’t even make any sense at all!!!!! Like hell would it be true!!!!!!! Trying to stain Dear TOM HIDDLESTON’s perfect name, huh???? Stop dreaming!!!! Wake up!!!! You’re in reality!!!!! TOM HIDDLESTON has done much good works, more enough (and still in excess) to wipe away your dirty, foul, shity news like wiping water off a table!!!!! You don’t even stand a chance to bring TOM HIDDLESTON’s name down, not even in the slightest chance, NONE, NEVER, ZIP, FULLSTOP!!!!!! Not even in a millennia would you succeed in doing such a dirty play…stop your crappy jealousy and your shit nonsense news to carry away wary TOM HIDDLESTON fans!!!! BASTARD YOU!!!!!! Get the hell outta here, you jealous-of-TOM-HIDDLESTON freak!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
    1. Anonymous

      Stop using so many CAPITALS AND EXCLAMATION/QUESTION MARKS!!!!?!?!! Jesus….calm down! It’s a joke!

      Reply
  16. Jobby

    Apparently when they did a post mortem on the swan, which is mandatory in cases of swan murder in Britain, there was a precious gem the size of a wallnut working through its intestines. Turns out it was the Blue Carbunkle stolen during the shooting of the Jeremy Brett Sherlock Holmes episode of the same name. Why didn’t this get mentioned in this article job?

    I don’t know about these new films but I always loved Archipelago and Unrelated. I’m not sure I’ll be able to watch them with a clear mind ever again. Jeremy Brett would turn over in his grave before getting involved in something like this, and frankly, would have made a much better James Bond than this pubic wigged, murderous piece of shit. S
    I used to be a fan, but swans are divine creatures put here by the one true God and saviour of rare birds.

    Fuck to you Tom Hiddleston!

    Toohour Job, San Fransisco.

    Reply
  17. Alexandria

    Was this article written by a teenage girl sitting around at home with nothing to do fake news I have a gift to have visions of people’s higher selves Tom told me it is not true why would you say shit like this? Why are some of you so gullible and naive as to believe something like this? I mean really?

    Reply

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