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Monday 20 May 2019
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TOM HARDY’S TATTOOS ‘ARE TRANSFERS’

TOM HARDY’S TATTOOS ‘ARE TRANSFERS’

LONDON – It was revealed today that Tom Hardy’s tattoos are all actually transfers, like the kind that children get.

The Legend and Mad Max: Fury Road star Tom Hardy was accused today of not having real tattoos. A report from the British Government claimed that Mr. Hardy’s tattoos are in fact transfers, like you get for children and that you have to put the paper on the skin and then wet with a sponge before slowly peeling off. The tattoos include a pair of drama masks, the London Skyline, a scorpion, the face of President Andrew Jackson, the face of Scottish actor Gordon Jackson, a quotation from Shelley, and his favorite curry dish Chicken Tikka Masala (‘so I can just point to my right tit when ordering’ explains Hardy). However it has been noted that the tattoos change position and sometimes disappear entirely.

The Government report reads:

Mr. Hardy has posed for photographs in tattoo parlors and many have taken him at his word that the tattoos are authentic. But a source close to MI5 reveals that Mr. Hardy is afraid of needles and prefers to use transfers which are washable. If he needs to appear in a film without his tattoos, some soap and water and a little scrubbing and it all comes off.

The Locke star, Tom Hardy refused to comment on the story but his closest friend Toyah Willcox had this to say:

Tom takes his tattoos very seriously and any idea that he is a big softy who is scared of needles and that the tattoos are merely temporary will be met with Bronson like violence.

Legend is currently in theaters.

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