Monday 30 November 2020
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LONDON- Tom Hardy is to play infamous musical brothers Noel and Liam Gallagher in Guy Ritchie’s ‘Oasis’.

“I got me old cockle Tom on the dog and bone and had a word in his King Lear. He thought I was having a bubble bath but once he had a butchers at the script he put on his whistle and flute, met me down the battlecruiser and after a couple of Vera Lynnes he was sound as a pound.”, said Ritchie.

Previously Hardy took on a dual role in the Kray twins biopic ‘Legend’ but the actor’s agent said playing the Gallagher brothers is a different beast:

Tom studied the movement of Orangutans at London Zoo to prepare to play Liam and for Noel, he spent two months living as a pigeon on Primrose Hill but he still couldn’t quite find the characters. In the end he just took lots of coke and sent Damon Albarn a dog turd through the post and suddenly all the pieces came together.

A rival Oasis biopic starring John Cusack as Liam and Cate Blanchett as Noel is still in the works but Ritchie insists his film will be the definitive version:

Do me a flavour. Clapped out Cusack can kiss my Khyber Pass and as for Blanchett, I’m at sixes and sevens as to why they’d get a filly to play a fella unless they’re making a f*cking pantomime.

Asked when Oasis would commence filming, Ritchie said as soon as he’s finished editing his latest movie his team would get to work:

I’m grafting on Aladdin 2. There’s buckets of claret in this one and the Genie gets his knackers blown off with a shooter. It’s going to be blinding.

Oasis is due for release in 2022.

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