Tom Hardy Bond

 LONDON – After weeks of speculation, Tom Hardy has declared that he has no interest in taking on the role of James Bond.

“I can’t be arsed, mate.”, said a candid Hardy:

I’ve got a level 99 Warlock on World of Warcraft and playing Bond would really cut into my raiding time. I know I’d be paid well but it’s not about the cash. All the money in the world isn’t going to buy me the Enchanted Gauntlets of Sun Ra.

Asked if he’d consider playing 007 some time in the future, Hardy nodded:

Sure, mate. I mean you can’t play online games forever! I figure I’ll get to level 110 then I’ll take a break, maybe do another Mad Max film and a play at the National in between. I got this great idea for a play. It’s about this really cool Warlock called Barracuda who runs his own guild and has all the top gear. Don’t get me wrong, it will cost a bloody fortune to stage but they did that Spider-Man one didn’t they? I mean okay, that was a load of shit but it proved what you could do in the theatre these days. After that, well, there will be a new WoW expansion pack to play so I’d be looking at 2022 before I could fit Bond into my schedule.

 With Hardy out of the running, Tom Hiddleston, Hugh Jackman and Daniel Radcliffe have emerged as the top contenders for the role.

“I’m a bit nervous about getting involved in another franchise.”, said Radcliffe.

But to be honest, I really need the money. I’ve spent every penny I got from Harry Potter on crack, prostitutes and Coldplay concert tickets. I did have great fun, though. Well, maybe not at the Coldplay concert, but I was so high on crack I can’t remember a bloody thing!

James Bond will return in Spectre.

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