Tom Hanks Eats Babies

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Hanks (allegedly) eats babies.

What was a rumor has been confirmed in a shocking interview. Tom Hanks eats babies. Hollywood antichrist, Tom Hanks eats babies according to a new interview given by the actor.

Tom Hanks v Jimmy Stewart Deathmatch

The recent revelations came hot on the trail of the latest Twitter-based shit storm. It was widely suggested Hanks is not as good as Jimmy Stewart (whatever the fuck that means). Twitter suddenly exploded with tweets suggesting they weren’t talking enough about Stewart being better than Hanks or that their ‘hot take’ was Tom Hanks has made some movies they didn’t like.

Hanks Admits He Eats Babies

In an interview he gave to radical left wing fake news libtard media website Mumsnet, Hanks admitted the atrocities. ‘Well Denise, that’s a tricky question. I guess I love lots of things in life, puppy dogs, kittens and snow at Christmas time, they are some of my very favorites. But the thing I love very most are babies. I just wanna eat them all up, ya know? Nom, nom, nom. Don’t you just love the way they smell? That new baby smell. I’m a gonna eat them all up.’ At this point it is not confirmed if Hanks was actually eating a baby during the interview.

Forrest Gump Baby Killer

The actor and suspected mass murderer has so far been sickeningly unrepentant since the story broke. ‘Why yes, I said that I love babies. Why? Stop screaming. I can’t understand you.’ boasted the extremely wicked, shockingly evil and vile Hanks.

Toy Story… OF DEATH

Religious extremist Hanks, who’s probably Jewish, Muslim or one of them crazy Indian ones, has been worming his way into our children’s consciousness for years by playing ‘loveable’ cowboy Woody in the Toy Story series of films. It is no coincidence that cowboys were responsible for the deaths of millions of Native Americans, which has led to the tired plot line for thousands of Stephen King books.

Hanks To Play Sex Fiend Gepetto

Hanks is due to next appear in Robert Zemeckis’s new version of Pinocchio, where he will play Gepetto, a man who makes sex toys for distribution on the dark web.

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