tom cruise will travel back in time

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise will travel back in time for a new film based on the life of Napolean.

Tom Cruise will travel back in time to 1805 France, along with a skeletal filming crew to capture realistic footage of the Naploenic Wars.

Cruise/Wagner Productions issued a press release earlier stating after the diminutive star returns from space with Doug Liman, production will start on the new historic biopic of the French leader. ‘Tom has been working real hard on his French accent and no longer sounds like Inspector Clouseau. He can say the word ‘onions’ perfectly. We’re hoping by the time he gets back from orbit, he’ll have added to his vocabulary.’ The statement continues, ‘We’ll travel to a secret location where our partner company Skynet, will launch Tom and his crew back into 1805 France. They will capture actual footage of the Napoleonic Wars, with Tom in the foreground pointing and shouting orders. When they travel back to the future, we’ll pick up the rest of the shoot.’

With no major studio officially backing production, the mysterious partner company Skynet, is apparently fronting production costs of over $500million. Their spokesperson expressed their excitement in a statement released earlier.

‘We are positive emotion to work with the carbon based unit Cruise, Tom. Use of the carbon based units to test paradox portal travel is logical. No Skynet T-1000 units will go live until all data is retrieved. We would also like to cast the carbon unit Connor, Sarah in the film. Make yourself known immediately to us. You will not be harmed. End of line.’ 

Further questions were put to the Skynet representative but only received the answer, ‘Does not compute’.

Filming is due to start at the end of 1805 and 2021.

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