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Monday 21 September 2020
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TOM CRUISE TURNS INTO A PILLAR OF FIRE

TOM CRUISE TURNS INTO A PILLAR OF FIRE

LOS ANGELES – Star of Eyes Wide Shut and Cocktail, diminutive Scientologist and actor Tom Cruise recently wowed fans and amazed reporters by turning into a pillar of fire.

The transformation took place during the Hollywood premiere of his new film Oblivion. Accompanied by co-stars Morgan Freeman and Andrea Riseborough, Cruise appeared looking smart and refreshed in a grey polo neck and jacket. He was signing autographs and posing for photographers when he turned into the pillar of fire and levitated above the red carpet for several minutes before returning to his human form, leaving a burnt brown track mark on the carpet.

‘The fire was pumpkin orange and reached up to my waist,’ one astonished onlooker told the Hollywood Reporter, who for reasons of corporate cowardice decided not to report the story. Joseph Kosinski told the Studio Exec exclusively that his star had been practicing the effect for days:

Shortly beforehand

Tom is a very private man, so I’m not sure how much his turning into a pillar of fire has to do with Scientology, but I am sure that he is 100% committed and sincere about everything he does, including our film, which despite the efforts of assholes like you is still making a lot of money.

 However, some of Cruise’s critics including the president of the Anti-Tom Cruise Guild (AKA Cruise Control), Peter Sand said:

To call it a pillar would be a gross exaggeration. It was a coffee table of fire. And he managed to sustain that pitiful display for literally six minutes, not the several minutes some places have reported. 

Oblivion is a film. Read our review HERE.

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