The Studio Exec has acquired a wealth of movie making experience and for the first time has decided to share it with young lucky screenwriters. Please send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and the Studio Exec will take a break from Hudson Hawk 2 development talks to answer your queries on this site.
But to get you going here’s a few gems from the man who said to Kubrick: ‘I like the elevator shots, the doors opening and revealing the elevator to be empty, it’s creepy but what if something came out of them, like… I don’t know … blood?’
- Always remember to put a number in your title, for example Toy Story 3. If you don’t have a number use a colon for example Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. If you’re thinking yeah but Chris Nolan didn’t have numbers, my answer is go ahead be Chris Nolan. See how that works out for you.
- Make sure you keep women to a minimum. There should never be more than one with a name. If you have more, make sure they don’t talk to each other. If you can’t help them sharing a scene, make sure they only talk to men. I called that little sugar tits, the Bechdel Rule. Write it down. IN PEN.
- When choosing a lead character always write a description of their physical appearance, such as they looked like ‘Brad Pitt/George Clooney/Al Pacino/Rob Schnieder. This will give you some leeway.
- Your film should never be longer than 100 mins. The director will add another thirty minutes of needless bullshit. Don’t worry.
- Try to get one character to saying something about movies/films/the cinema. This way it’ll stand a good chance of appearing in the Oscar clip reel.
- If you have a car chase, always make sure they drive the wrong way down a highway: that shit never gets old and it adds ‘character’.