Hollywood – The movie trade publication, Variety hit back today in the wake of accusations one of their journalists tweeted huge spoilers about the end of Disney’s new Marvel film The Eternals, by stating there is no spoiler. They employed ‘Spoon Boy’ from The Matrix to explain to everyone why there is no spoiler. The Exec caught up with Spoon Boy, who had this to say.
Spoon Boy, Can You Explain To Us Why There Is No Spoiler?
Before we can begin, would you like a cookie?
Do You Have Any Nut Free Ones? My Peanut Allergy Is A Bummer
You can have a peanut free cookie, if you believe you can have one.
Thanks. Well? Why Is There No Spoiler?
It is not simply a case of there being no spoiler. There is and there isn’t, in so much as there is and there isn’t a film. For example, if you are a fan of Marvel films and the MCU, there is The Eternals and it is a film. The movie has a beginning, middle and an end. That is the way of things. However, if you hold the views of Martin Scorsese, this is not cinema. There is no The Eternals in the sense of it being a film. It has no beginning, middle and certainly no end. And if there is no end, then we can only draw the one true conclusion that there simply is no plot and there is nothing to spoil. Ergo, there is no spoiler. It really is quite simple.
Ok, Professor Clever Dick, What If You Are A Marvel Fan?
Time is a construct that does not run from one perceived beginning to an end. It is not a single line in the same way that the human brain is not a single linear narrative running from birth to death. The brain is a universe within itself of infinite connections, synapses constantly firing, connecting and disconnecting in an infinite number of ways. Time has no meaning, even at the point of death and oblivion. Through these connections, there is the infinite. The same applies to the MCU. It is all a question of perception.
But What About The Post-Credit Sequence Your Journalist Tweeted About?
Yeah, sorry about that. He took a big fucking shit on that one. Whaddayagonnado?