HOLLYWOOD – Understanding the technical vocabulary people use when talking about films can be enough to destroy your already fragile grip on happiness.

‘Lights! Camera! Action!’ What the hell do those words mean? ‘Cut!’ Cut? Cut what? Well, never fear! Studio Exec is here, with an insider’s guide to all those tricky terms like ‘mise en scene’, ‘montage’ and ‘to Lohan’.

  • Director: the man (and it’s always a man, never in the history of film has a woman ever directed a film) who everyone pretends is in charge of the film.
  • Producer: the woman (and it’s always a woman etc.) who is actually in charge.
  • The Line Producer: the drug dealer (specifically for cocaine).
  • The Talent: a phrase used to mean the actors, but usually attended by a roll of the eyes, or a hand gesture to suggest masturbation.
  • Shooting: firing firearms during fight scenes.
  • Dolly shot: any shot in which puppetry appears in the shot. See Team America: World Police, Chucky or Sex and the City 2. 
  • Green Screen: a special ecologically sound way of watching films. It causes less pollution and helps save the planet. Used extensively by Leonardo di Caprio.

    Dolly shot
  • The Gaffer: a gay prostitute that the Studio offers for the relief of the gay members of the cast or the undecided.
  • The Dailies: an orgy (again provided by the studio) in which all perversions are catered for. Often the most important part of the production for everyone involved, hence the oft heard phrase ‘The Dailies are looking good.’
  • Mise en scene: Who gives a shit? I mean, really?
If you have any terms that confuse you please use the comments and Studio Exec will deal with them in an upcoming post. 
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