With his ruthless streak, mob connections and taste for the finer things in life, Frank Sinatra would be the ideal man to put Jimmy Bond in his place.
Okay, so the fact that he’s been dead for twenty years might discourage Sam Mendez from casting him but a brave director has to make brave decisions and Mendes is certainly brave. I mean, who else would have allowed his 3 year old son to direct the last 30 minutes of Skyfall?
Not only would Dyer bring a touch of class and gritty realism to a Bond flick, the script would write itself. Dyer is Jack Spratt AKA 0013. A spy that spent many years undercover in the Cockney Mafia and decided to swap the secret service for a life of crime.
Dyer himself has previously stated in an interview with Readers Wives that he would relish the chance to play a Bond Villain: “What? Me as a Bond Villain? Farking ell geezer. I’d be all over that shight. Boosh!”
Of all the fiendish foes faced by Bond, 007 is yet
to square off against the man with the fangs, much to the chagrin of Christopher Lee as he recalls in his memoirs:
“I turned up on the set of The Man with the Golden Gun, which was then called The Vampire Strikes Back, in my full Dracula costume. Unfortunately we soon discovered that Roger Moore had a terrible allergic reaction to garlic, crucifixes and sunlight so they had to change the entire script!”
Sometimes the best villains are played by the people you would least expect and nobody would expect Doris Day to turn up as Bond’s nemesis.
Adam Shankman, who submitted a rejected script to Mendes which cast Day as the main villain explained his reasons why she was perfect for the role:
“I just love Doris. She’s so nice and she loves dogs so much and I thought to myself. Well usually these villains try and kill Bond with bombs, lasers and other crazy things. but what if somebody tried to kill him with kindness? Surely that would be the last thing he would be expecting!”
Once one of the most charismatic men on the planet, Bruce Willis now looks like a man whose very soul is being slowly drained away every second of every day.
“It was the baldness,” claims top psychologist Winston Spengler.
“Willis clung on for years but when that day finally came when the wigs began to look too ridiculous his mind cracked and he’s never been the same since. What we see now is basically a hollow shell of a human being wearing the skin of Bruce Willis.”
Asked if would like to play a Bond villain, Willis smirked and whispered in his agent, Peter Brewer’s ear.
“My client hasn’t rejected a script since 1995. What the F*ck do you think?” said an adamant Brewer.
BOND 24 IS DUE FOR RELEASE IN 2015.