Just as the Disney presented, Jeremy Bruckheimer produced, Gore Verbinski directed, and Johnny Depp and someone else starring film The Lone Ranger heaves into view, crying “Hi-Ho-Silver, Away!”, news has arrived of a radical rethink of the film and how it’s going to be marketed.

“We’re changing the title,” screamed Verbinski down the phone. 

We were at a preview screening and one of the actors, I forget the guy’s name, tall, wears a mask, the one who isn’t Johnny… Anyway, he says, “The Lone Ranger? Why is he the Lone Ranger if he has a friend? I mean isn’t that a bit racist. Like, not counting Tonto as his friend.” And we all looked around aghast. “Who is this guy?” Jerry asked.

The film makers desperately grappled with some alternative ideas. 

First, it’s like The Ranger, then Johnny comes up with Tonto (which I really liked), then Jerry wanted to add the word ‘Caribbean’ for some reason. So we settled with The Ranger of the Caribbean and Tonto, but then the big guy … what the hell’s his name? Has a tool name… oh yeah Armie Adjustable Wrench. Or something. Anyway he says it’s ridiculous adding Tonto like that just as a way of getting everyone to come to the film to see Johnny. And reluctantly, we see that he’s right.

Tonto and the Ranger of the Caribbean will be opening opposite Some Other Films sometime in August. 

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