HOLLYWOOD – The last known Ben Stiller fan on Planet Earth, Doris Sutton, has passed away peacefully in her sleep, aged 98.
Sutton, who owned several large asbestos factories in the mid-fifties, turned her house into a shrine dedicated to the alleged funny man and is rumoured to have left half of her 20 million dollar fortune to her cat Starsky and the other half to the fictitious Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.
Her carer, Benson Hodges, was also bequeathed a small amount of money and he spoke to the Studio Exec about Doris’ infatuation with Stiller:
She began suffering from dementia in her early 70s and for years she was unable to communicate with the outside world. Then one day she caught Meet the Fockers on cable and began laughing hysterically. Personally, I thought she’d cracked up completely so I injected her with a powerful sedative but when she awoke two days later, she demanded that I purchase every film Stiller had ever made. At first I thought her obsession was pretty harmless but then she hired a couple of guys to paint murals of Ben all over her house and started buying up anything Ben related. Probably the strangest item she bought was a 12 foot bronze statue of him posing like Michaelangelo’s David. I believe she got that from Owen Wilson.
Stiller himself was aware of Doris and earlier today he offered this moving tribute:
Doris used to write me a letter every day and I always looked forward to them. I remember the last time she wrote begging me to make Night at The Museum 4 and I’m only sad she won’t get to see it when it’s released in cinemas worldwide in May 2017. Kevin James is playing Henry VIII and it’s going to be f*cking hilarious.