THE VATICAN – After a another year in which scandals have rocked the Catholic Church, the Vatican PR department have decided it’s high time they rolled the dice and brought out the big guns.

“We considered inviting One Direction or Coldplay to play a concert,” said Cardinal Fellini. 

But the reputation of the church has been damaged so badly we knew there was only one artist big enough to rescue our faith from the doldrums.

Yes folks, you guessed it. The man, the myth, the messiah, Jesus Christ will be performing a Comeback Special in St. Peter’s square on Easter Sunday 2014.

Elvismight be the King but Jesus is the King of Kings!” said his agent Chuck Barrow.

JC was reluctant at first and didn’t feel it was the right time to resurrect his career. It’s been a while since he performed live and he wasn’t sure if the audience would turn out for him but he had nothing to fear. We’ve sold so many tickets it’s going to make Live Aid look like the Last Supper.

Barrow confirmed the three hour show is going to feature classic hits from his repertoire but also some new material:

Of course he’ll do the loaves and fishes, feeding of the five thousand and healing the sick etc … I mean if you went to see Jesus and he never walked on water you’d go home disappointed so all that will be in there. He’s also going to duet with Rihanna on Make me a Channel of your Peace, Elton John on The Bitch is Back and he personally asked for Spinal Tap to join him for a stomping cover of  Spirit in the Sky.

Barrow also revealed that if the gig goes as well as expected. Jesus might embark on a world tour in 2014:

It could happen. He said to me “Chuck. I’ll play anywhere, Vegas, Mecca, Tokyo but I won’t play Jerusalem”. Understandably so because the last time he played a gig there, the crowd really turned on him.

The Jesus Christ Comeback Special will be televised live on Easter Sunday 2014. 
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