Saturday 17 August 2019
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HOLLYWOOD – Nancy Myers has confirmed that she has written a sequel to her hugely popular romantic comedy, The Holiday.

“I’ve been smoking a lot of crack recently,” said a candid Myers:

I was so disappointed with the critical reception for The Intern that I decided to move to London on a whim and rent a flat above a Chinese takeaway in Tower Hamlets. I met a lovely man there called DJ Fanny Magnet who I caught trying to steal my television one night. I admit I was a little scared at first but then he explained to me that he was going to sell the television to purchase a copy of Pro Tools 12. I was impressed that this struggling musician would turn to crime for the sake of his art and so I handed over my credit card and told him to buy the software and whatever other equipment he needed to create. He returned an hour later and ruefully informed me that all the DJ shops were closed but he had managed to procure a large quantity of crack.

Myers went on to describe her experience of being a crack addict:

Well I must say it’s been hugely enjoyable. I’ve emptied my bank accounts and sold all of my assets. Several of my teeth have fallen out and recently I’ve had to turn to prostitution in order to fund my habit but it’s all made a refreshing change from the tedious Hollywood parties and boring ski trips to Aspen. I haven’t had my nails done or waxed my pubic hair in six months. I’m like a wild animal!

Asked what compelled her to write a sequel to the Holiday, Myers laughed:

I owe a certain drug dealer a vast quantity of money and he says that unless I pay him back by the end of the week, he’s going to break both of my arms. I’m sure he’s kidding, he’s a bit of a sweetheart really but I’m a woman who believes in settling her debts so I decided to write the sequel. It took me an entire afternoon but I’m happy with the result.

Myers has already sold the script to Universal for three million pounds and she expects the cheque to arrive any day now.

I can’t wait. I’m going to head straight to one of those delightful cheque cashing places and then I’m going to settle my debt, take DJ Fanny Magnet for a mixed grill and spend the remainder of the day smoking crack and watching Judge Judy. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to Marks & Spencer to do some shoplifting.

The Holiday 2 is due for release in 2017.

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