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Monday 22 July 2019
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THE GOLDEN GLOBES TELL THE OSCARS TO GO F*CK THEMSELVES

THE GOLDEN GLOBES TELL THE OSCARS TO GO F*CK THEMSELVES

HOLLYWOOD – In what was a stunning turn of events, a drunken Golden Globes turned up outside the Dolby Theater in the early hours of this morning shouting that the Oscars ‘can go f*ck themselves and the horse they rode in on.’

A clearly inebriated Tina Fey and Amy Poehler joined in the heckling and bad behavior, and, in outlandish scenes, started to throw their shoes at the theater. The Oscars – accompanied by a distraught looking Ellen DeGeneres – appeared at a window and called down that the Golden Globes should perhaps calm down and go home, if they know what’s good for them. The Globes replied, ‘Are you threatening us?’ and began to urinate on the steps outside the theater goaded on by Poehler and Fey, at which point the Oscars told Ellen to call 911.
However, officers called to the scene found an emotional Globes telling Ellen how much they love her, and peace once more restored. No charges were pressed. 

This incident is only the latest in an on-going feud between the two awards ceremonies which dates back to 1964 and what was called the Cleopatra fracas. On one occasion – in 1972 – the Golden Globes ordered five tons of horse manure  to be delivered to the then Kodak Theater during the ceremony, an act of vandalism defused by host David Niven’s wonderfully witty line ‘That’s a lot of dung!’ On another and partly in retaliation, the Golden Globes was disrupted by Ricky Gervais who impersonated a host for two years running at the instigation of the Academy Awards. 

The Golden Globes are currently sleeping it off.
  

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