THE CLOONEY BIN


Dear George

I think my husband is having an affair. He’s getting very close to a woman he is currently working with and coming home late acting shifty. What should I do?

Jennifer A

Dear Jennifer 

Sorry It’s taken seven years to reply to this letter it had fallen down the back of the sideboard. It’s a moot point now but what I would have said is have an affair with me to make him jealous. We can still have one if you like I’m free this Tuesday afternoon between 2.30pm and 3.15pm. Fax me.




Dear George

I recently made a faux par at the Golden Globes by making a joke about Meryl Streep. Now everybody thinks I’m an idiot and I’m afraid it will effect my career. What should I do?
                                                                                                                                                                                                          Jennifer L                                     
Dear Jennifer

Wow two Jennifer’s in one day. Reminds me of that yachting holiday off the coast of Sicily in 2002. Anyway Jennifer L I wouldn’t worry. Meryl has a eccentric sense of humour and any rom-com lover worth their tissues knew you were simply quoting from The First Wives Club. You’re young, attractive and bound for glory. Though if you do end up in a situation were your career is flagging we could always have an affair.



Dear George

I’m a married man but recently I’ve been getting very close to a woman I’ve been working with. My wife keeps asking me why I’m acting shifty and I don’t have the heart to tell her. What should I do?

Brad P



Dear Brad 

Again I have to apologise for not replying to this sooner but it wound up in the same place as Jennifer A’s cry for help. I hope things worked out and you didn’t do anything rash like make Oceans 12. I had a friend in a similar situation and the way he got through it was to drink a bottle of Wild Turkey and go bear hunting. He was eaten by a bear but at least his relationship problems were solved. Perhaps being devoured by a grizzly isn’t for you so if you’re still feeling low. Jump in your car, race on over to my place and let’s me and you have a good old fashioned affair.



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