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Monday 22 July 2019
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THE CLOONEY BIN 1

THE CLOONEY BIN 1

Dear George

 

I feel I’m being pigeon-holed. For years now I’ve played some of the greatest roles in cinematic history. I’m the envy of all my peers, every director wants to work with me and I’m probably the greatest actor of our time. The thing is what I really want to do is star in a Farrelly Brothers movie but they never send me their scripts and refuse to answer my calls. What should I do?
 
Daniel D. L.

Dear Daniel

 
I hear you brother but I’m afraid you may never get to fulfil your dream. The price of greatness is that people expect you to be consistently great. Anything less than a perfect performance in a worthy historical epic or political drama and the press will claim that you’re on the slide. Sure you want to spend a month playing the lead in a rom-com about two blind Siamese twins who accidentally have sex with their mother. Who doesn’t?
 
I’ve chased countless roles that I really wanted but lately I’m always losing out to either Jason Bateman or Jason Sudeikis. Hall Pass, Horrible Bosses, Movie 43. I campaigned for parts in all of them but I never got a look in. Hell I begged Seth Gordon on my hands and knees to give me the lead in Four Christmases but he said “F*ck you Clooney. I want Vince Vaughn.”.
 
The constant rejection is tough Dan and people just don’t understand. They think just because you’re constantly winning awards, working with talented directors and gaining the respect and admiration of every living soul that you’ll feel fulfilled!
 
I think it’s high time we both accepted that we will never get the roles we really want. Though saying that, I know that every time I catch Hot Tub Time Machine 2 on TV I’ll shed a tear and remember the day when the director laughed in my face at the audition, tore up my resume and gave the part to Adam Scott.
 
Some wounds never heal Daniel. Some wounds never heal…
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