THE CASTING COUCH: Will Murtagh
First film I ever saw was Toy Story, I think, that’s what my parents tell me. I was about 1 when it came out but I’d like to think it was my first ever cinema trip.
You’re in a screening. The man to your right pulls out his mobile phone and starts talking to his stock broker about the current price of aluminium. How do you feel?
I’d be so pissed off at him. I wouldn’t physically do anything, but I’d imagine myself pulling the aluminium can of coke that I smuggled into the cinema from the shopping bag under my seat, pouring the contents onto his phone that I just snatched from his hand, and shoving the aluminium can up his arse, saying a cool one-liner like “how about THAT for low aluminium prices?!”, or something like that.
You are briefly bestowed with the power to bring an actor back from the dead. Who would you choose and why?
I’d bring Charlie Chaplin back from the dead, but make sure that he was young Charlie Chaplin, the one who made Modern Times and such, and not old Charlie Chaplin, as played by Robert Downey Jr in lots of prosthetics.
A giant robotic Octopus descends on New York City devouring citizens and wrecking buildings. How do you destroy it?
Call Captain America. Sounds like a HYDRA robot thing anyway.
What is your favourite Doris Day film and why?
Gotta say, I’m not too knowledgeable on Doris Day films, but my mum says she’s her favourite actress ever, so ask her.
Robert Redford offers you one million dollars to spend the night with him. What would you do?
Give me an old pro like a Robert Redford! Oh, I’d jump into bed with him in a second. And I wouldn’t just lie there if that’s what you’re thinking.
You are hired to write a sequel to the Shawshank Redemption. What would be your plot outline?
Hmm, a sequel to the Shawshank Redemption. I suppose the plot would be the Warden’s wife hiring a private investigator to find Andy Dufresne, hunt him down and kill him. It would be called The Warden Redemption, maybe.
If you were forced to watch one film on a loop for the rest of your natural life, what would it be and why?
The Avengers, just for Joss Whedon’s camera work and script. Love it.
Have you ever walked out of a film screening before it ended and why did you walk?
I walked out of Disaster Movie. Maybe 30 minutes in. I f*cking hated it, should never have been made and the writers should be shot. We had a chance to sneak into some other film, but chose that instead. Dear God, why?
Who killed Roger Rabbit?
This question has plagued me since nursery school. My guess is the Tasmanian Devil. He has that kind of reputation, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he did it.