THE CASTING COUCH – JAZZ T

Jazz is a writer in training currently scribbling teenage fan fiction based on Meryl Streep’s love life. Her current location is London, Paris, NYC, LA, Vegas. – wherever the buzz is.


What the first film you ever saw and where did you see it?

The first film I ever saw was Sleeping Beauty in the cinema. I was five, maybe six. I went on a play date with my two best friends – a guy and a girl. Clearly it was a threeway at an early but innocent age.

You’re in a screening. The man to your right pulls out his mobile phone and starts talking to his stock broker about the current price of aluminium. How do you feel?

I would just stare at him and give him the dirtiest look in the dark. I’d be raging. I don’t care who you are, you put that phone down Mr Spielberg.

You are briefly bestowed with the power to bring an actor back from the dead. Who would you choose and why?

Pat Morita. I would really like to be enjoying The Karate Kid ten!

A giant robotic Octopus descends on New York City devouring citizens and wrecking buildings. How do you destroy it?

The only person who could destroy a robotic octopus would be Justin Bieber. I’d get him to sing Baby, it would send the octopus shriveling back into the East River.

What is your favourite Doris Day film and why?

The Glass Bottom Boat. I thought this would feature the sexual thing, I was disappointed to find it wasn’t. Turns out it was still a good movie though.

Robert Redford offers you one million dollars to spend the night with him. What would you do?

I’d say yes, slip a sleeping pill drug in his drink, let him pass out. Read The Great Gatsby until morning, undress down to my underwear and when he wakes brag about “the amazing night”. I am no Demi Moore.

You are hired to write a sequel to the Shawshank Redemption. What would be your plot outline?

A man accused of murdering his wife and lover is sentenced to two life sentences in Alcatraz. The Sequel will be called Shawshank Redemption – Alcatraz.

If you was forced to watch one film on a loop for the rest of your natural life. What would it be and why?

The Devil Wears Prada. Meryl, Stanley, Emily make up for my constant desire to want to smack Anne Hathaway.

Have you ever walked out of a film screening before it ended and why did you walk?

I never walk out, I just fall asleep. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy was the last time I had a really great nap during a film.

Who killed Roger Rabbit?

Jessica Chastain killed Roger Rabbit



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