THE CASTING COUCH: ALIA MICHELLE


Alia Michelle is i.am.now. Singer. Songwriter. Screenwriter. Poet. Producer. Propagandist.100% self produced and promoted. Check me out, laugh at my jokes, and buy my album. Tell your friends, get me famous, then you can laugh about how you got me famous. It will be awesome sauce. Please give photo credit to www.lisatalbot.com.

What the first film you ever saw and where did you see it?

So like, I don’t mean to pander to my generation here or whatever, but I’m fairly certain the first movie I ever saw was Star Wars. My birthday is May 9 1977, the release date of Star Warsis May 25 1977, my brother saw it with me and my mom when we were kids, cause he was ALL about the star wars. So, I don’t remember that of course, I was a baby.

The first movie I remember was Bedknobs and Broomsticks. I saw it at home cause we rented it at 20/20 video. Boy I LOVED that movie, watched it on a loop so long my brother told me I HAD to get a different movie from the rental place. He made me watch All of Mewith Lily Tomlin. Poor sod, I watched All of Meon a loop TWICE as long after that.

You’re in a screening. The man to your right pulls out his mobile phone and starts talking to his stock broker about the current price of aluminium. How do you feel?

Conflicted. I’m curious about the price of aluminium, but I feel it is my duty to shush him. I assure you, more than 10 seconds of that will yield a loud shushing and a stern look. Count on it.

You are briefly bestowed with the power to bring an actor back from the dead. Who would you choose and why?

Oh god, Cary Grant. So I could f*ck him, clearly. Am I allowed to kill him again if he turns me down? Or do I have to turn him loose so the other ladies can take advantage? Can I say f*ck in here?

A giant robotic Octopus descends on New York City devouring citizens and wrecking buildings. How do you destroy it?

Like, me as a character in the story? Or like, the real me in the real world? Or like, me as the writer, like, how do I solve the problem? Me as a character in my own movie:
hijack a helicopter from the cops and fly it into the octopus.
Me in the real world: I’d go on Facebook and rant about it or call my mother. Me as the writer: electromagnetic pulse device. Followed by a swift deconstruction. Then, of course, followed up with thorough study and reverse engineering with the focus on WHY did this giant robotic octopus come descend on this fine city today? WHAT is the root cause of the problem?

What is your favourite Doris Day film and why?

I don’t like Doris Day. I like Marilyn Monroe. My favourite (ahem, favourite) Marilyn Monroe movie is The Misfits,followed closely by Some Like it Hot, which is playing soon in Los Angeles at Cinespia.

Robert Redford offers you one million dollars to spend the night with him. What would you do?

He’s pretty hot. Take the money, but NO BLOW JOB!
Blow jobs are for friends and family only. And he has to wear a condom.

You are hired to write a sequel to the Shawshank Redemption. What would be your plot outline?

Brokeback Mountainbut with Red and Andy. In the end, Red realizes that Andy is gay and he isn’t. But it works out because a young Latina woman comes on the scene in the nick of time to be Red’s girl, and the threesome live happily ever after, escaped ex convicts in Mexico.
If you were forced to watch one film on a loop for the rest of your natural life. What would it be and why?

Now I want to be clear here. This is in no way an indication of my favourite film of (ahem, favourite film of) all time. This represents a film that I could watch forever and feel happy, there are many films that I like much better than this film, say, Requiem for a Dream, orBrazil,that I would never subject myself to watching on a loop for eternity. That would be bad. So I’m going to say Enchanted April. Easily on my top 25 films of all time. Easily.
Have you ever walked out of a film screening before it ended and why did you walk?

Tee Hee. So, yeah, when I was a teenager. I walked out of Jurassic Park. For three reasons: one, the ad campaign had been so invasive I had already had too much of the film when I walked into it, two, Jeff Goldblum was bothering me, which bothered me particularly because I LOVE Jeff Goldblum, and three, I saw this really hot security guard on the way in that I really wanted to make out with. True story. The security guard was way better than the movie, I will still stand by that.

Who killed Roger Rabbit?

#ripdickcheney

You can find samples of Alia’s work at the below links:
Twitter: @aliamichelle

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