burt reynolds

HOLLYWOOD – The Studio Exec has laid his grubby hands on the unpublished dairies of actor and heterosexual mustache wearer Burt Reynolds and we are going to publish and be damned.

March, 1984 

Blake Edwards comes over with a script called The Kansas City Laugh-a-thon, a bootleg comedy, he says. Would I be interested? I ask the question I always ask, mustache or no mustache? Definitely mustache, says Blake. okay, I say. But we’re going to have to change that title. 

April, 1984

Blake is over at the house again. I have a day of Cannonball Run 2 and Dom DeLuise has come over to hang out. The script is now called The Kansas City Hooo Haaaa. I’m still not sure about it. Who’s the second lead? I asked. Dom sat upright so quick he pulled a muscle. Roger Moore, says Blake. Dom practically whizzed around the room like a let go party balloon.

September, 1984

Filming begins on what we’re now calling Kansas City Heat Giggle Machine. Blake is a very hands on director, by which I mean he keeps touching me. He let me decide on a co-star and I picked my old pal Clint Eastwood. He can’t do comedy to save his life so I think I’ll be okay. Looking forward to filming the bar fight today. 

October, 1984 

Blake had to go. It was the titles. They were getting embarrassing. Clint stepped in and got Robert Benjamin hired. He also changed the titles. And he broke my jaw when he me in the face with a bar stool during the very first scene. I’ve been eating through a straw and I’ve lost of ton of weight. Everyone thinks I’ve got Aids. 

December, 1984

City Heat looks like it’s going to be a flop. What could possibly have gone wrong? We had a great story, me, Clint Eastwood, a good title. Luckily, the Cannonball Run 2 will pay the bills. Maybe was could do a trilogy!  

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