LONDON – In a change of policy, the British Broadcasting Corporation – popularly known as the BBC – has decided to discontinue supporting 3D programming content for its viewers, citing a lack of interest and the fact that 3D ‘is shit.’

The full BBC statement reads:

The British Broadcasting Corporation (which is us) has decided that from this time and henceforth its programming – that is to say our programming – shall remain resolutely positioned in good old fashioned meat and potatoes 2D, and not in James Cameron’s new-fangled, bespectacled 3D twaddle. We at first experimented with the new 3D format thinking that we would look trendy and get more girls (and boys) to tune in. However, we have decided on reflection that we were embarrassing everyone else and most of all ourselves, like a drunken middle aged uncle body-popping at his niece’s wedding. Moreover, it has recently come to our attention that 3D is shit. We mean to say it gives you a headache, and when you do notice it, it takes you right out of what you’re watching.  

The BBC also issued an audio stream along with the statement that sounded like a lot of middle aged executives making raspberry noises with their mouths.  

The BBC will be released in 2017.

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