TAYLOR SWIFT TO STAR IN KUNG FU PANDA 4
HOLLYWOOD – Dreamworks have announced that Taylor Swift will voice a new character in Kung Fu Panda 4.
“We love Taylor,” said a studio insider:
We love her because she’s got 75 million twitter followers and that whole #Squad bullshit going on. She’s a marketing dream. The woman could flog her frozen turds online and they’d sell out within seconds. Actually, let me write that down, that’s not a bad idea.
Asked about the audition process, the insider was candid:
There wasn’t one, it’s all about your reach on social media. You don’t need talent these days, you just need numbers. I kind of feel sorry for all of those poor bastards spending years learning and refining their craft and they’ve only got a couple of hundred followers. You’re wasting your time, suckers. In a year if you’re not pushing a million, we won’t even let you in the parking lot.
Swift is rumored to be playing a Komodo Dragon in Kung Fu Panda 4 and has allegedly purchased one as a pet in order to get into character.
“Taylor’s Komodo Dragon is called Mr Buttons,” said Reddit user, Doctor Flange:
She feeds it a pug dog every day because they’re so cute but she’s running out of them so I’ve heard they’re going to switch his diet to include anybody that still has an active Myspace account.
Kung Fu Panda 4 is due in 2018.