ZACK SNYDER NEWS ABSENCE ANGERS ZACK SNYDER

With a recent Zack Snyder news absence, Zack Snyder has unleashed a scathing attack on the mainstream media for leaving him out of the headlines. The Zack Snyder news absence, according to Zack Snyder is an attempt by those in power to silence his ‘totally awesome artistic voice’, and prevent the public from seeing his, ‘totally bitching ass-kicking movies’. The Exec spoke with Zack Snyder earlier:

 



So you’re unhappy about the Zack Snyder news absence?

 


You’re damned straight I aint happy about the Zack Snyder news absence. Did you know I haven’t trended on Twitter for nearly two weeks? Da fuck is that about man?

 

 

Is there any Zack Snyder news? Any new announcements?

 


Who the hell do you think you are? You don’t come at me with all your questions trying to justify why Zack Snyder aint numero uno in the news. It’s the mainstream media man, they’re against old Zack. Because they can’t handle the darkness of my movies and ass-kicking, totally bitchin’ action scenes. Oh, and the rain, they can’t handle all the slo-mo rain.

 


Would you say your style has rubbed some people up the wrong way?

 


Look, the way I see it is that my style is too in their face. They all want Richard Donner’s Superman. Fuckin’ do good hippies. That’s all well and good for the 70s and 80s but this is 2021 man. Because Superman is hench, with friggin’ Vegas zombies, man. There’s undead Tigers running around chewing your face off, man.

 


So what projects do you have coming up?

 


Check this out… friggin’ Zombie Batman (Ben Affleck) is captured by the Zombie Joker (Jared Leto) who then makes him fight a Zombie Tiger. It’ll all be narrated by Gerrard Butler… who’s a zombie.

 


You’ve run out of ideas, haven’t you?

 


Just shut up and pass me the Adderall.

 


Zombie Batman Vs Zombie Tigers starts shooting later this year… perhaps.

BETTER CALL SAUL TO FEATURE ZOMBIES

HOLLYWOOD – Breaking Bad spin-off Better Call Saul will feature zombies, AMC confirmed last night.

The show – which is due to broadcast early in 2015 – stars Bob Odenkirk as the eponymous lawyer Saul Goodman prior to his involvement with Jesse Pinkman and Walter White. Show creator Vince Gilligan told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We really wanted to differentiate it from the original show, Breaking Bad, but at the same time we know that it needs to be big. So I was watching The Walking Dead and I thought, ‘Hey! What if we had zombies in the new show?’ I came into the writer’s room the next day and when I told them my idea they were all so happy they literally fell around laughing. I went and rewrote the pilot straight away.

But how will the zombie apocalypse fit in with the rest of the plot?

At first it didn’t, but then I was talking to Damon Lindelof and it was really liberating because he just said, ‘How do you know they’re not ALL already dead, from the very beginning?’ I had never thought that you could do something like that but once I realized they could all be dead and the only thing would be a kind of dream like in Jacob’s Ladder then you don’t really have to worry about consistency or logic or anything.

But does that mean Breaking Bad…?

Yep, they’re all dead.

That’s sh…

Shockingly good. I know.

Better Call Undead Saul will be broadcast in 2015.

ZOMBIES TO BE KILLED OFF

HOLLYWOOD – Ever since Victor Helperin‘s 1932 film White Zombie, the undead have been limping and lurching, drooling and more recently raging across out cinema screens.

The cultish gore fest and satire of the George Romero films of the Seventies gave way to the mainstream shoot em ups of War World Z and The Walking Dead and so it is with some sadness – and relief – that studio executives announced today that they were definitively killing off the cult figure before there was a serious outbreak. 

A spokesperson for AMC pivotal in the making of Walking Dead commented:

We had tried by getting rid of Frank Darabont, but that wasn’t the head shot we’d assumed it would be and the damn seasons just kept staggering on, blood and pus-oozing from what ought to have been a fatal wound. We tried killing off the interesting characters but here we are again. Like half a body dragging its entrails spilling torso across the floor towards us.

 Danny Boyle – director of 28 Days Later – said he was not sorry to see the back of the horror sub-genre.

When we made 28 Days Later we were essentially trying to reinvent the zombie, speed it up and make the stories less contrived. However, the Rec films and World War Z have convinced me that even this injection of angry raging life has not been enough.

 Sociologist and film critic U’buto Menege wrote recently in the Huffington Post

Freud said that nightmares were fantasies that are too transgressive to admit. Our feelings of horror are actually just us acting out what we really want. The problem with the zombie scenario is that fantasy is actually all too obvious. The nightmare is no longer there. It’s pure fantasy. We dress up as zombies at the drop of a hat. Freud would shit himself laughing.

From 2014 no more Zombie films (or infection films) will go into production. The ones already in production will be taken out to the back lot by government agents in bright yellow chemical threat suits and buried by a bulldozer in a large communal pit.

The last Zombie film to be shown will be Martin Luther King Jr: Zombie Killer.

 

ZOMBIE WALK DEATHS IN TEXAS

TEXAS – Following a recent attack at the San Diego Comic-Con, another  ‘Zombie Walk’ incident has been reported in Houston,  Texas, where hundreds of fans of the TV show The Walking Dead accidentally attacked, pulled limb from limb, eviscerated and finally ate a coach load of Portuguese tourists.

The tourists were reportedly en route to a site of historical interest when they were intercepted by the cosplay nutsacks. Continue reading “ZOMBIE WALK DEATHS IN TEXAS”