ZACK SNYDER DIRECTS BUGS BUNNY THE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Zack Snyder is to direct Bugs Bunny: The Movie after he wraps on his dark and edgy Justice League movie.

Foul mouthed Zack Snyder has announced he’ll direct Bugs Bunny The Movie for Warner Bros as soon as possible.

Elmer Fudd Is A C**t

‘In my version of the Carrot munching kids favorite, Bugs will battle drug kingpin Elmer Fudd.’ Snyder told The Exec, ‘Fudd sells a highly addictive Orange crystal methamphetamine called Caret to all of Bugs’s cartoon friends. It’s by way of revenge for Bugs making him look like such a c**t all the time. It’s going to be a whole new dark and edgy re-imagining of the Warner cartoon universe, or WCU.’

Cartoon Dope Fiends

‘Wile E Coyote will finally succumb to his addiction,’ continued the director. ‘He dies on a piss-soaked mattress in a crack den. Roadrunner stands over his beloved adversary’s rancid corpse and yells: ‘Noooo, take me-me.’ Before he runs off over the edge of a cliff, holds a white flag and falls to his death in comically timed cloud of dust way below. It gonna be fucked up.’
Marvin The Mind Fuck

‘Marvin the Martian will turn up as psychedelic induced hallucination when Bugs drops Acid laced with Ketamine. He shows Bugs that life is meaningless and we are all just part of the same vibration of energy rebounding off the walls our imagined universe. Bugs awakes from his mind expanding trip. He realises that Porky Pig is his spirit animal and decides to really fuck the social constructs up by playing in a Black Sabbath covers band. Yeah, edgy as you all goddamn.’

Bad Lieutenant

‘Daffy Duck is a cop on the take when we first meet him. He’s done some bad shit, think Harvey Keitel jerking off in front of those girls in Bad Lieutenant. But this time he has a beak and keeps saying ‘You’re indessssspicable.’ Until he blows his feathers all over the car door. I’m so fucking edgy.’

Bugs Bunny: The Movie begins shooting in early 2021.

JUSTICE LEAGUE SNYDER CUT DETAILS LEAK

HOLLYWOOD – The Snyder Cut of the Justice League is finally coming out and we have the skinny.

The Studio Exec obtained details of the Justice League Zack Snyder Cut from industry insiders. Differences between the Twitter fanboy pinup, Snyder’s version and Marvel super villain, Whedon’s version are significant.

The industry insider told The Studio Exec, ‘The differences are huge man, just huge! In Snyder’s cut Steppenwolf will not be voiced by Ciaran Hinds but John Kay, lead singer of 60s rock band Steppenwolf. It’s born to be wild, man!’ The insider went on say, ‘Zack has reviewed the reshoots of Henry Cavell’s Superman wearing a moustache. He loved it. As a result, he’s CGI-ing moustaches onto all of them except for Aquaman. He will have his beard removed and placed on Wonder Woman. Because Zack didn’t like the light tone of Whedon’s cut, he has removed all the jokes and shots where any character smiles. He’s digitally darkening the whole print and has added 38% more rain.’

The mixed reviews and poor returns in 2017 prompted momentum to grow on Twitter among comic movie fan communities for the fabled Zack Snyder Cut to be released.

Our source revealed Zack Snyder doesn’t intend to stop at his own film. ‘He’s now going back over other flops in the hope of reimagining them and turning them into money making behemoths. Snyder is going to have a crack at Ishtar, Heaven’s Gate and Battlefield Earth. Zack loves working with Gerard Butler, so he’s got the lead male roles for all 3 films, taking both Hoffman’s and Beatty’s parts in Ishtar.’

HBOMax release Justice League: The Zack Snyder Cut in 2021. Good night, and good luck.

5 THINGS WRONG WITH THE JUSTICE LEAGUE

HOLLYWOOD – The Justice League hit theaters and was immediately hailed as a masterpiece of its genre.

The New York Times called it ‘The Casablanca of Superhero movies’ and Variety said ‘Eat your heart out Christopher Nolan.’

But – as rebellious as ever – The Studio Exec is not fully convinced.

So here are our five minor problems with Zach Snyder/ Joss Whedon’s new movie:

1. It’s shit.

2. Everyone looks tired and depressed. First, Ben Affleck looks like they CGIed Ryan Reynolds head onto Dave Bautista’s body. Second, Amy Adams looks like she’s performing under duress. As if someone is just off camera with a cattle prod, blocking the exit. She looks so bored and they used a crayon to color in her hair. Then Diane Lane is too obviously happy just to get work. Finally, Gal Gadot looks confused that she can be in such a bad film after having been in such a good one. Weirdly, Henry Cavill shines.

3. The film is as visually interesting as an infomercial. As much as I hated Batman V Superman and Man of Steel, those films had a certain visual pomposity that was compelling. Here, not only is the CGI like mid-90s Star Trek, but every shot, hero entrance, etc etc looks like a rush job for a poorly funded advertising agency. Take the iconic moment towards the end where Clark Kent becomes Superman. It looked like a TV advert featuring Superman. Nothing momentous happens.

In rushing to be the Avengers, they threw out the epic with the dourness.

4. Which leads us to: the humor wasn’t funny. It’s like sitting at a wedding reception with that guy who is really funny and then someone else tries to go toe to toe with them, but they don’t have the material. Unfunny humor isn’t just not funny, it is deeply depressing. They label every joke ‘JOKE’. The Flash (Ezra Miller) is annoying. Really annoying. It is like they took Zach Snyder’s sense of humor and mixed it with Joss Whedon’s visual flair. And that line is funnier than anything in the movie.

5. The Avengers. Anything DC does feels like catch up. And that’s a pity. Aquaman sounds like Thor, Superman like Captain America, Batman like Tony Stark, Flash like Peter Parker. The getting the team together to beat a CGI thing with the blue light from the sky and the cubes… whatever. Do we really want anymore universes? What was a neat idea ten years ago is beginning to look lazy bloated franchise think. Isn’t it time to finally give up?

 For more FACTS click here.

BEN AFFLECK RETIRES AS AN ACTOR TO CONCENTRATE ON BEING A MEME

HOLLYWOOD – Actor and film director Ben Affleck announced today that he was giving up acting and directing in order to pursue an alternate career as an internet meme.

Argo director and Batman v Superman star, Ben Affleck today announced his retirement from the movie business so that he can concentrate fully on being an internet meme. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec, Ben had this to say:

It’s f*cking crazy man. I spent years putting together Good Will Hunting with Matt Damon. Writing the script, going to meetings. Years. And the same with Argo. It took so much time. And even the acting jobs look easy but the mornings are early, the nights are late, it’s difficult and Zach Snyder shouts in your ear hole all the time. Making Batman v Superman, I had months of washing Snyder’s spittle out of my f*cking hair. It’s f*cking disgusting. And then every dip sh*t with a blog just pisses on you and sh*ts on you from a height. So what’s the f*cking point?

I don’t….

Yeah, exactly. Stupid ass biscuits! And then something odd happened. All of a sudden everyone was talking about me and sharing videos of me. It’s called a mem Exec. A f*cking meme. All I have to do is look sad during some interview and all of a sudden boom. I’m everywhere. No work, literally zero.

So that interview with Bill Simmons…?

Goddamned right. That’s gonna be a meme too, you see! It’ll be all over the place. And you want to know an advantage of that.

What?

You can do it drunk.

That’s great.

F*cking A!

Ben Affleck will next be seen in Ben Affleck Walks Around a Park without Trousers.

THE ALIENS FROM V WERE ALMOST IN BATMAN V SUPERMAN SAYS ZACH SNYDER

HOLLYWOOD – Zach Snyder today revealed that the aliens from the popular TV show V almost featured in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.

Talking at the premier of his new film Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Zach Snyder dropped the bombshell that aliens from the popular TV show V almost featured in the new movie. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec red carpet reporter, the 300 director said that the concept of using the aliens had been in the script from an early stage:

I think it was kind of a joke at the first. The idea would be that the aliens from V would be there because we had the letter V in the title of the film, so if anyone complained we could say, ‘look, it was in the title all along’, but after we cast Ben Affleck we thought if we put too many jokes in it, we’d be pushing the audience beyond the limits, so we decided to cut them, as we did all references to the novel by Thomas Pynchon.

What role would the aliens have played?

They were going to be the second string villains. You would have them as the heavies and then Lex Luthor would be revealed to be behind everything. And you have them guzzling rats and tearing their faces accidentally and what have you. I’m a huge fan of the original show, not so much of the remake.

Is there a chance they might appear in a future episode in the franchise?

Funny you should mention that. After all the research I did and all the fun I had writing for the aliens I did start a treatment for the next movie and brought them back to play a fundamental role.

Tentatively titled?

Batman and Superman v V.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is on general release.

HENRY CAVILL: ‘I HATE ACTING BUT EAT MONEY’

HOLLYWOOD – The star of the forthcoming Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Henry Cavill has revealed his motivation: money.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Henry Cavill – Superman in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice – revealed his motivation and thoughts on acting:

I hate acting. It’s basically lying. Like when I’m Superman, I’m not really Superman. It’s all a big fib. On the other hand money’s fantastic and that’s something which I deem — and this is frowned upon — very important. Spending money on my friends, buying dinner for everyone, drinks for everyone, it’s a nice place to be, and I like people to feel cared for. People will be calling me a c**k as they’re reading this, but travel’s great as long as you’re going first class. I mean, traveling to New Zealand in economy, it sucks. Especially if you’re over six feet. But first class? I’m not going to ever pretend to be coy about that. I love it.

But what about art, Henry?

Art? I work for Zach Snyder. What the f*ck do I care about art for? So back to money. You can by cars, hamsters, Belgian chocolates, gilt edged photograph frames, lockets, wine gums, small dogs, toy soldiers, books, necklaces and asparagus.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice will be released in 2016.

MARY POPPINS V NANNY MCPHEE GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – Emma Thompson and Emily Blunt are both onboard for the new Disney mash up McPhee V Poppins.

The new super Nanny mash up is on with Emma Thompson and Emily Blunt going head to head in a childcare smack down McPhee V Poppins, which pits the two care providers against each other to save Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe.

Director Zach Snyder spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Basically Nanny McPhee and Mary Poppins exist in the same P.L. Travers universe and so it was only a matter of time before we got the two together. I thought of the idea when I was talking to Kevin Smith and we were on acid and watching Mary Poppins and a Nanny McPhee marathon, including the sequel that no one actually watched.

So what’s the story?

Well, essentially, Mary Poppins leaves the children – Dan and Emma – and Nanny McPhee turns up and tries to dance with penguins and chimney sweeps and the like. Basically stealing Mary Poppins ideas and Mary Poppins as you can imagine is none too pleased. But they have to join forces to defeat Elijah Wood.

Elijah Wood?

Shut up.

McPhee V Poppins will be released in 2017.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

BEN AFFLECK FOR BATMAN ‘NOT THAT BIG A DEAL’ WORLD DECIDES

HOLLYWOOD – Following the events of the last few weeks, the World has decided that the casting of Ben Affleck in the role of Batman in Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice is ‘just not that big a deal’.

When the new Batman Ben Affleck was announced the internets exploded in derision and anger, a species of fury usually reserved for traitors and dentists who hunt kittens for sport. However, with the recent tragic events in Paris, the renewed bombing in Syria, the tensions between Russia and Turkey, and the shootings in San Bernardino, Calif., the mood has changed on the new incumbent of the DC Comics Hero. The World issued a statement EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec Penthouse:

We were upset about Ben Affleck become Batman. I mean Jesus Christ, he was insufferable in Argo and Jersey Girl… I mean come on. People also can see how he fared in a Superhero movie by looking at Daredevil and comparing it to the new TV show. It’s just in another league and then to here that he’s going to be part of a movie which looks like setting up the Justice League and going head to head with Superman. I mean… urgh. However, given that El Nino looks bad this year and we’ve just had the warmest year on record again, renewed violence in the Middle East, political censorship and oppression reigning unchecked, human rights being ignored, terrorist death cults on the one hand and mass shootings on the other, or both… Affleck was good in Gone Girl I suppose. So maybe it won’t be so bad. And anyway, it’s just a f*cking movie.

Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice will be released next year when even more f*cked up shit will be continuing.

5 FACTS WE LEARNED FROM THE BATMAN V SUPERMAN TRAILER

HOLLYWOOD – The new Batman V Superman trailer just broke on the internet and we sent our Studio Exec FACT squad into the Batcave and the Fortress of Solitude to find out more.

This is what they learned:

One. Bruce Wayne is in the film.

Two.  He might be Batman.

Three. Clarke Kent is in the film.

Four. He might be Superman.

FIVE. Lex Luthor writes mediocre short stories for the New Yorker.

For more FACTS click here.

ZACH SNYDER POSTS NEW BATMOBILE PIC

GOTHAM – Zach Snyder has leaked an EXCLUSIVE sneak peek of the new Batmobile which will feature in the upcoming film: Batman Vs Superman: The Dawn of Justice.

Zach accompanied the picture with a short message to all his fans:

So here it is. Sometimes it’s so difficult to keep a secret when you know what you’ve got is awesome. Admittedly, we haven’t got the budget we wanted, but still, just imagine Ben Affleck suited up and driving this bad boy around the mean streets of Gotham.

Reaction to the picture was immediate with Variety calling it ‘a radical re-imagining’ and Hollywood Reporter immediately linking the apparent lo-fi design to the current political climate: ‘It looks cheap.’ Many fans were angered at the idea that the car was obviously not American made. ‘Herr Batman might drive this,’ said one enraged fan. ‘But not Mr. Bruce Wayne.’

However, Uber-geek Kevin Smith described how he fainted on seeing the picture and needed some seconds before he was able to give a considered response:

Awe. Some. I mean. God Damn it! This looks like combining not only Batman and Superman, two of my favorite pop cultural phenomena, but also Herbie from The Love Bug. I’ve just come so much I’ve lost about seven pounds.

Batman vs Superman: The Dawn of Justice will be released in March, 2016.

 

FIRST IMAGE OF BEN AFFLECK AS BATMAN CAUSES CONFUSION

HOLLYWOOD – The first image of Ben Affleck as Batman in Zack Snyder’s Batman V Superman has caused confusion and consternation among fans.

The very first image of Ben Affleck as Batman has been published EXCLUSIVELY by the Studio Exec, but the reception has not been unambiguous and some are claiming that the whole idea of an Affleck Batman is fatally flawed.

Lead geek Henry Bolt said:

Ben Affleck is obviously wearing the wrong costume. Anyone can see he ought to be wearing a mask with little pointy ears and not this ridiculous get up. It’s just so … Frankly, it’s embarrassing.

Ben Affleck in the photograph seems to be frowning and slightly perplexed, as if asking himself, ‘Wait, is this actually my changing room?’ but Mr. Snyder believes that it will all be fixed in post ‘where movie magic happens’.

Snyder spoke to the Studio Exec following the publication of the photograph: 

This is just a storm in a teacup. Believe me. It’s like with Russell Crowe in Man of Steel. We invited him to the set and we did this whole ludicrous subplot about him being Superman’s father and it was terrible. Russell said, ‘cut it out. I don’t like it and no one else will’. ‘Don’t worry’ I said, ‘we’ll edit you out.’ And that’s what we did. What? What do you mean we didn’t? 

Batman v Superman looks like being one of the most widely anticipated bad films of 2016. 

300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE ENTIRELY GAY

SPARTA – The upcoming sword and sandal sequel 300: Rise of an Empire starring Eva Green, Sullivan Stapleton and Rodrigo Santoro is going ‘to be entirely gay’, director Noam Murro has promised.

The new film departs from the original with some dazzlingly choreographed dance routines and some bitchy ‘This is Sparta’ style dialogue added by Sex and the City scribe Darren Star.

Mr. Star commented exclusively to The Studio Exec:

The original 300 directed by Zach Snyder was relatively gay – aimed mainly at a lot of teenage boys who didn’t know they were gay and sublimated it into a love of watching male torsos contorted in slow motion violence, with the occasional spurt of blobby fluid. But with 300: Rise of an Empire we’ve decided to absolute gay it up. 

Star Eva Green said that she was principally attracted to the gayness of the piece.

If you read the history books, you’ll see that Sparta was a society based entirely on homosexuality, with the women being kept in semi-servitude as basically baby breeders. My character is kind of the fag hag of the piece, who basically wants to hang out with all the gays and dance to One Direction

However not everyone is pleased with the new direction. Frank Miller – the author of the original graphic novel and noted conservative – said that the gayness was a betrayal of the purity of his vision of men stabbing each other in their nakedness, repeatedly, until everything was wet.

300: Rise of an Empire is bursting.

MARK ZUCKERBERG IS LEX LUTHOR

HOLLYWOOD – Batman Vs Superman has its new villain as super-creepy Mark Zuckerberg has confirmed he will be taking on the role.

‘I crushed MySpace,’ laughed the curly haired mastermind. ‘This Man of Steel and Man of Bat will be no match for me!’ 

News came in also that Alfred will be played by people marrying horses advocate Jeremy Irons, who said he was delighted with the role:

One is absolutely over the moon with the role. First one’s thoughts leaped to one of the trains in the Thomas the Tank Engine books but apparently Alfred is some kind of a majordomo in some other type of children’s book. One wishes to get ‘down’ with the kids as modern parlance would have it. What! What! 

Ben Affleck also responded saying that he was looking forward to getting to grips with the Zuckerberg and perhaps punching him in the face repeatedly, if that was all right with the director, Zach Snyder. Zuckerberg, on being asked on what qualified him for the role, was very forthcoming:

Think about it. I mean, I have all these algorithms, and I’ve convinced everyone to put all their personal data on computers and now I’m monetizing that and who knows what I’m up to with the NSA. Even the NSA don’t know. Ha ha! Plus I have this other villainous thing where I only eat what I personally kill and butcher. Oh, yeah and if there’s like a meeting I have to go to with Batman and Superman, I don’t know maybe we all have to give depositions, I’m gonna turn up in my pajamas and they’ll all be so like What? He’s in his pajamas. Wow. What a villain!

Batman Vs Superman will be released once we’re heartily sick of hearing about it and only then.