DENIS VILLENEUVE TO REMAKE KRULL

HOLLYWOOD – Following Blade Runner and Dune, Denis Villeneuve plans to remake Krull.

Sicario and Arrival director Denis Villeneuve will direct a remake of the science-fiction/fantasy classic Krull. He spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec:

We’re going to get as many of the original cast back together. I know Liam Neeson is lobbying to be in it again, along with Robbie Coltrane and Lysette Anthony and Kenneth Marshall are keen to have small roles. Obviously, what we have to do is retain the authenticity of the original and yet at the same time bring in some new faces. Zach Galifianakis is playing Colwyn and Amy Adams is going to be Lyssa.

Why Krull?

We’re doing Blade Runner and then Dune. I just have a bunch of old science fiction movies from the 80s and I throw a dart and whatever I hit I make.

Peter Yates directed the original. Edgar Wright and Duncan Jones have both talked about directing a remake, but in the end couldn’t be bothered.

Krull will be released in 2018.

ASIA ARGENTO TO STAR IN LIVE-ACTION THE LITTLE MERMAID.

ROME – Film-maker, actress, singer, song-writer, philanthropist and raconteur, Asia Argento, is in talks to play the lead role in Paolo Sorrentino’s upcoming remake of The Little Mermaid.

“I identify with Ariel. She likes the sea, I like the sea. She is woman, I am woman.”, said Argento.

The script has been in development hell for over thirty years and Drew Barrymore was once the front-runner to play the lead role with Steven Spielberg on directorial duties. But Argento insists that this version will differ from that original screenplay:

I read that script. It was like death. It hurt me as an artist to see those words on the page. Words are like magic, they can kill or they can cure, they inspire, or they dissuade. Yesterday I spent two hours staring at a full stop. It was so heartbreakingly final. I want to live in a world without full stops. Blissful infinity. No tears, just stars.

Tom Hiddleston is rumoured to be circling the role of Prince Eric and Zach Galifianakis has beaten off stiff competition to snag the coveted role of Sebastian the crab:

“This won’t be the first time I’ve played this character.”,  said  Galifianakis:

Back in 1995 I did a benefit gig in Harlem in a Sebastian costume and sang ‘Under the Sea’. I say costume, I just blacked myself up with shoe polish but it was probably the best gig I’ve ever played. The crowed went absolutely wild and I’m only glad the security guards held them back otherwise I’d have been signing a lot of autographs that night.

The Little Mermaid is due in 2016

BRADLEY COOPER TO MAKE AMERICAN HANGOVER

HOLLYWOOD –  Following American  Hustle and American Sniper, Bradley Cooper confirmed that his American trilogy will be concluded with American Hangover.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec, Bradley ‘The Face’ Cooper said:

I’m not exactly long in the tooth but I’d like to see this as my central acting achievement. American Hustle was about an underworld America. American Sniper is of course about America at war. And American Hangover is going to be exactly like the other Hangover movies, but with the word America in the title. We’re all very excited.

Does this have anything to do with Elvis’ American trilogy?

Yes and no. Mainly no.

What stage is the script at?

Well, we’ve photocopied the first half of Hangover 3 and we’ve just got to do the second half, cross out the title, write in the new title and we’re away.

That’s amazing.

Yeah, I know and the funniest thing about those films is that they keep paying us to do them. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that’s the only funny thing about them.

Zach Galifianakis and Ed Helms are set to return and Todd Phillips has agreed once more to direct. Philips told the Exec:

We are all committed to completing Bradley’s vision, saluting his diverse skills as an actor and money. Mainly money.

American Hangover will be released in 2016.

BIRDMAN: REVIEW

NEW YORK – Michael Keaton goes meta in Alejandro Inarritu’s best film to date, Birdman.

Batman is trying to make a play on Broadway as a way of getting away from the superhero alter ego – Birdman – who haunts him to this day. Unfortunately he hires the Incredible Hulk, a complete asshole of an actor who is likely to steal the show, or steal Batman’s daughter played by Spider-man’s girlfriend.

Alejandro Inarritu films most of the action in one flowing continuous take (obviously there’s some smokes and mirrors here but the illusion is brilliantly maintained and never looks like a mere gimmick). The writing is top calibre as well, with some corrosively bitchy zingers. Despite the post-modernity and contemporary references this is when it comess down to it a backstage comedy, like Noises Off, or more recently Shakespeare in Love. The Show Must Go On drives the narrative forward even at the risk of the sanity of its protagonist. And there is a biting angry satire, that seeks to demolish just about everything in its path – superhero movies, twitter and youtube celebrity, rehab, journalists, actors, even this very act of criticism itself. The acting is superb, with some career best performances from Edward Norton, Lindsay Duncan, Emma Stone, Zach Galifianakis as well as a toweringly twitchy tormented Michael Keaton.

This is clever, self-conscious, deliriously entertaining cinema at its best.

Birdman will be out presently.

5 MOVIE STARS WHOSE NAMES WE CAN’T SPELL

HOLLYWOOD – The life of a blogger is hard, but it’s made all the more difficult by the fact that some movie stars have names that are difficult to spell.

1. Zach Galifikinikankarsisiikis: Get this on a triple word score  and your Scrabble opponents will weep blood and you will own them and their children for five generations, but try and snap off a witty put down of Hangover 3 without resorting to cut and pasting from IMDb and you are lost. Spelling the name will give you a Goddamn Hangover, or Bore you to Death!

2. Jim Cavieziel: Jesus Christ! you might think as you try to work out how many vowels to use and which way round they go, but at least that way you can remember the role that made him famous. Fortunately, you won’t need to be writing his name that often as the Rick Santorum supporter has not being getting the gigs of late. If anyone needed a resurrection now, it’s Jim Clavicle.

3. Kirsten Stuart: Okay, I admit it isn’t Lupita Nyongo’go’o’go nor is it Saorise Rohan and it isn’t even Mia Wachchacallher, but I always get the name wrong. Mainly because I can’t be bothered. A bit like William Defoe.

4. Quenvanzahane Wallis: She was great in The Beasts of the Southern Wild and hopefully she will follow many child stars, like the easy to spell Jake Lloyd, into obscurity so we don’t have to learn how to spell her name.

5. Jake Gyllenhallaal: He was in Brokeback Mountain and Donnie Darko so we really should learn to spell his name, but he was also in Prince of Persia and Proof so maybe we shouldn’t. Not to be confused with ritually slaughtered animals that Muslims can eat.

For more Movie FACTS CLICK HERE!

ZACH GALIFIANAKIS TO HOST ISRAELI-PALESTINIAN PEACE TALKS

HOLLYWOOD – Following his success in single-handedly saving President Obama’s Affordable Health Care Act, Zach Galifianakis has turned his attention to the Middle East and will next week be hosting a special Israeli-Palestinian Peace Conference Between Two Ferns

President of the Palestinian State Mahmoud Abbas will meet with Israeli leader Benjamin Netanyahu in a hope that where others have failed, the star of Hangover 3 and Due Date can succeed, bringing about a historic peace deal and finally ending this decades-long and blood-soaked conflict.  

Galifianakis told the Studio Exec exclusively:

Although vaguely interested in comedy, I’ve always been really committed to politics. I say always, I actually mean since I did The Campaign with Will Ferrell. I did some research. It was a bit dull so I got someone else to do it actually. But still…

What? 

Well, if you look at the mess professional diplomats and politicians have made of it, maybe it’s time for some lighthearted banter from America’s favorite bearded comedian.

Louis CK is involved?

Okay, second favorite. Jeez.

What will be different about your approach? 

I see someone like Tony Blair having a go and he just doesn’t seem credible to me. The man’s a warmonger. And the UN is full of people with names like Moon. It’s like Gwyneth Paltrow’s child is the Peace Envoy! Me, I can pretend to be both anti-Semitic and racist (ironically) and in that way connect, heal and unite.

Can you give us some detail?

I can complement Benjamin NetinYahoo! on his website.

I think that’s …

And I can tell  Mahmoud Abbas that I really love Dancing Queen.

You’re just punning weakly on their names.

I know. That’s the beauty of it. No one has ever tried that before. Punning weakly on their names is sure to work.

And if it doesn’t?

Louis CK will be waiting in the wings to take over.

Finally!

Israeli-Palestinian Peace Conference Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis will be broadcast on the Funny or Die website. And no, you can’t have the link.