CHRIS PRATT: NEW MAGNIFICENT SEVEN ‘SET IN THE SAME UNIVERSE AS THE RIDICULOUS SIX’

HOLLYWOOD – Chris Pratt has confirmed that the new version of The Magnificent Seven is ‘set in the same universe as Adam Sandler’s The Ridiculous Six.’

The Magnificent Seven – a remake of the 1960 classic with Yul Brynner and Steve McQueen – also belongs in the same universe as The Ridiculous Six, Chris Pratt has confirmed:

Very early on in the process Antoine Fuqua sat the whole cast down and explained that although we were respecting the original 1960 film and beyond that Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai, our main inspiration would be much closer to home. Namely Adam Sandler’s Ridiculous Six. Although not a direct follow on, or a sequel, we exist in the same rambunctious comic universe full of lewd stereotypes and fart gags. It’s really something. I think everyone is going to be blown away.

Do Sandler Sandler and Taylor Lautner appear?

What do you mean Sandler Sandler?

I meant Adam Sandler, sorry. It was a slip of the tongue.

Still I like it. Sandler Sandler. Sounds like a boutique. But to answer your question: yes. Antoine and Denzel both talked a lot about ‘the anxiety of influence’. The idea is Sandler Sandler and some of the other cast from The Ridiculous Six turn up at the beginning of our film at the railway station in a homage to the opening scene in Once Upon a Time in the West and we gun them down and, in that way, establish ourselves and what we want to do with the film.

The Magnificent Seven will be released on September 23, 2016.

 

 

SIR EDWIN FLUFFER REMEMBERS TELLY SAVALAS AND YUL BRYNNER

HOLLYWOOD- Sir Edwin Fluffer once again delves into his personal memoirs – soon to be published as ‘Not THAT Kind of Fluffer!!!’ – to recall Messrs. Telly Savalas and Yul Brynner.

It was one of those moments when you wish the ground would swallow you up. I’d just committed one of Hollywood’s cardinal sins: I’d managed to get Telly Savalas confused with Yul Brynner. Or was it Yul Brynner with Telly Savalas? Even now, all these years later, my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach and my hands start to shake; but that may be something to do with the medication I’ve been prescribed for my arthritis. 

What was it that made these two fine actors so hard to tell apart? Was it their eyes? No, Telly’s were a deep dark brown, Yul’s eyes were of the most piercing blue.

Was it their ears? No. Telly’s were battered like a heavyweight boxer, whereas Yul Brynner’s ears were like a pair of delicate conch shells. 
Then it hit me: Their teeth! Telly Savalas and Yul Brynner looked so alike because they had identical teeth! Many years later, none other than Shirley Maclaine let it slip that for a while these two gnarled veterans of the big screen had actually shared the same dentist; so that’s why they looked so alike! I actually overheard her telling this to Anthony Perkins at a gala dinner in aid of Telly and Yul’s barber who’d fallen on hard times, since both stars were now completely bald.
I had to ask Tony three times to please pass me the salt, but that’s another story…

FIRST LOOK AT VIN DIESEL IN KOJAK

HOLLYWOOD – Fast and Furious star Vin Diesel is to appear next as Kojak in a new feature film and today the Studio Exec got an EXCLUSIVE look at the first poster.

Vin Diesel has long wanted to take on the role of Theo Kojak, the lollipop sucking cop with the mystical ability to find parking spaces wherever he goes in New York.

Vin popped by the Studio Exec bungalow to discuss his new role:

Many actors would love to be James Bond, or Indiana Jones,  but for bald actors the choices are limited. Elmer Fudd was a great role but now I’m willing to stretch myself a little and the peak of bald guy roles has to be either The King and I or Kojak. I can’t sing so… who loves ya baby?

My wife.

No that’s my catchphrase. Who Loves ya baby?

Ah okay. Well yes absolutely.

Telly Savalas was for me an idol who encapsulated what it means to be a folically challenged leading man. Yul Brynner was far too exotic. I mean fantastic but I could never do that. Telly was the man. He was basically like me. Growing up that was who I watched on TV.

Philip Gawthrone, who cut his teeth writing episodes of BBC soap opera Eastenders, has been signed to write the screenplay.

Kojak: Who Loves Ya Baby will be released in 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

YUL BRYNNER ‘NOT REALLY DEAD’

HOLLYWOOD – It was revealed last night that the star of The King and I and The Magnificent Seven, Yul Brynner, is not – as has been widely reported  – dead.

Yul Bryner had allegedly died in 1985 of lung cancer, but sightings of him since have been sporadic, although those who have gone public with such claims have usually been dismissed as the kind of crackpots who believe Elvis is still alive or that Pink Floyd lyrics ‘mean something’. However, recently incontrovertible evidence in the form of a video has been obtained by the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY.

This video appears to show a solemn looking but very much alive Brynner dressed in his trademark cowboy garb with his signature bald head trying to kill a man with a mustache in some kind of western styled theme park. The video is incomplete and the audio isn’t very good but it is the first definite proof that Brynner is alive.

The Brynner estate have of course denied the authenticity of the video claiming that it is ‘a film which Yul made in 1973 called Westworld, long before his fatal illness. It’s a Michael Crichton piece and quite a good one at that.’

Others have pointed out that the the man who appears to be Yul Brynner is in fact a robot, built to resemble the Russian born film and stage actor.

However, such ludicrous answers only beg more questions. Why would anyone build a Yul Brynner robot? Was it Yul Brynner who died in New York or was it the robot Brynner? What does big tobacco have to say about this? And did anybody see Futureworld or did I dream that film?

If you have any answers to these questions or more questions please avail yourself of the comment box below to spew your nonsense.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT THE OSCARS

HOLLYWOOD – Tonight is the 86th Academy Awards and that fact is your last free one. Read the others and become cleverer.

1. Ellen Degeneres is only the second woman to present the Oscars. The first was Bob Hope.

2. The actual Oscars were designed to resemble Yul Bryner. The original statuette included an impressive erection that Yul always nursed but this was changed following complaints from Rex Harrison.

3. Anyone who wins an Oscar is entitled to droit du seigneur over anyone who failed to win the Oscar that year, regardless of category. Although this is largely considered a custom and is hardly ever enforced, David Niven became legendary for doing everyone literally everyone after his win.

4. RIPD will not win an Oscar.  

5. Steven Spielberg is the only person to ever win an Oscar for brushing his teeth. The Oscar was awarded as part of a mix up when instead of taking place at the Dolby theater, the ceremony was booked in the Colgate theater.

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE!