DISNEY ANNOUNCES YODA CODA

HOLLYWOOD – Disney announces Yoda Coda: Yoda The Death Of.

Mousey streaming service giant, Disney announces their new film, Yoda Coda: Yoda The Death Of will stream on their subscription channel, Disney+.

Much Money Will You Pay

The Mickey Mouse film studio announced Star Wars fans will be able to stream the film on the Disney+ channel, for an additional fee, from Christmas Day onwards. It will then be moved into the main section of their streaming service once, ‘All your money, have we taken… heheheheh.’ A source within the company told The Exec.

Your Younglings, Nag They Will

The source continued, ‘The Mandalorian, great success has it been. Baby Yoda, many young fans has he. Nag their parents into buying this film, they will. Sick of the noise and desperate for quiet on Christmas Day, will adults be. Pay through the ass, they will.’

An Adult Craves Not These Things

‘Cashing in are we. Many adult fans of The Mandalorian there are. Collectibles, hah! Limited editions, hah! An adult craves not these things. For children are these. Toys they are called. Grow up, may these adults never. Deep are their pockets. Digital is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to streaming, streaming leads to subscriptions, subscriptions leads to suffering.

Control, Control, We Must Have Control

The announcement comes in the wake of Warner Bros declaring their entire 2021 slate will receive a digital release on HBO Max. Our inside source at Disney went on to say, ‘Warners trying to compete with us, abide we cannot. Begun these online wars have. Crush them, we will.’ Our source then closed his eyes, raised his three fingered hand-thing and floated out of the room.

Yoda Coda: Yoda The Death Of streams on Disney+ from 25th December, for an additional fee. Obvious, it is.

STAR WARS STANDALONE: YOUNG YODA

HOLLYWOOD – The first news has come out concerning the new standalone Star Wars movie, Yoda: High School Years. Kermit has already been announced in a piece of inspired casting, as the future Jedi master.
Writer Brett Easton Ellis has leaked plot details.

Yoda is a young kid, uncertain, nervous, but with this incredible gift that he doesn’t know how to use.  He goes to Dagobah High and gets bullied and falls in love with the girl and worries about going to the Prom. 

Disney heads have denied that Mr. Ellis – the author of American Psycho – is in anyway involved with the franchise. ‘Jesus, he keeps giving himself jobs,’ said a source. ‘It’s the Fifty Shades of Grey all over again.’
However, they did confirm that the tone would be relatively light.

Oh yeah, there’ll be lots of jokes about him growing. ‘After twenty years so small I will not be’ he says a lot. Woody Allen is going to voice his father and Billy Crystal will voice the mother (I know, I know, we’ve addressed this).   

Kermit admitted he was nervous about taking on such an icon.

I know that there will be a lot of fans out there waiting for me to fail, but I’m at a stage in my career when I want to take risks. I want to break the bubble.


 Yoda: High School Years will be released in 2015.