‘Kevin Sorbo has friends’, according to a new statement released by the actor in the aftermath of his admitting he shouted ‘Bullshit’ in a Starbucks when asked to wear a mask. It is not known if he was asked to put on the mask due to Covid19 or to hide the fact that Sorbo was using their Starbucks. Sorbo, star of blockbusters such as Piranha Sharks, Bernie The Dolphin and Bernie The Dolphin 2 advised why he felt the need to explain that ‘Kevin Sorbo has friends’ in the following statement:


Kevin Sorbo Has Friends And Everything


I, Kevin Sorbo, wish to state that I was not acting alone when I screamed ‘Bullshit’ at being asked to wear a mask. I had been standing in the queue talking with my friends, who were totally there and everything. The staff kept pointing at me and giggling. It was humiliating, but I remained calm and reasonable.


I AM Hercules


When I gave my order of a small Soy Latte Decaf with extra Sweet’N’Low, after the guy stopped giggling behind his mask they asked for my name. I did my usual and said at the top of my voice, ‘I am TV’s Hercules, young man.’ I waited for the applause, but there wasn’t any.


Piece Of Shit


You know what this little piece of shit behind the counter said to me? He said, ‘You WERE TV’s Hercules, man. What’s your actual name, y’know, for your little latte?’ And then he turns around to all the other douchebags behind the counter and they’re all laughing with him.


Little Bastard


So my friend, who was still totally with me, um… urr… umm… DAVE! Yeah, his name is Dave, you don’t know him. Dave said to me, ‘Are you going to take that, man?’ I tell Dave to calm down. It’s an explosive situation that could go south at any time and we need to keep our cool. These god damned pinko liberal strong arm bullies think they have us. So you know what I do? I take my mask off. I start shouting, ‘USA, USA, USA, USA. Come on, everyone… .’ They’d never heard a white middle-aged man shout that before, I bet.


Put Your Mask On


So then the little prick asks me to put my mask back on because it’s ‘policy’. Well, I’d just about had enough, so I shout. And remember, I wasn’t on my own and I totally have many, many friends and their name is Dave. I shout, ‘This is BULLSHIT’. And me and Dave walk out of there high fiving each other, because he was totally there and because I totally have friends. How many friends do you have?

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