ZACH BRAFF TO BE ILLEGAL

HOLLYWOOD – In a move which legislators say is a big step forward in the battle against climate change, Zach Braff has been made illegal.

Environmental groups have welcomed the legislation which will see a legal moratorium placed on Zach Braff, halting a practice that Greenpeace have repeatedly called one of the most toxic and destructive industrial processes that we are currently perpetrating against our fragile eco system. The law – which will come into effect at midnight – was a rare example of bi-partisan co-operation in Washington and saw John Boehner joining President Obama and praising the President for ‘his firm leadership in making a historic decision’. The Anti-Zach Braff coalition were in jubilant mood last night and spokesperson Eduardo Chavez told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We have a lot of battles ahead and there is no time to rest on our laurels, but it has to be said this is a momentous victory for the environmental movement.Zach Braff has been proved to released toxic chemicals into the water ways, devastate local environments, pollute the air and there has even been seismic activity that has been traced back to Zach Braff appearing in a film or on TV some where.

Long gone are the days that Zach Braff was seen as an alternative to carbon heavy fuels such as coal. When in Scrubs, Braff was hailed by Friends of the Earth as a possible alternative source of energy and was included in then candidate Obama’s stump speech as one of the ‘All of the Above’ options on the table to deal with the country’s energy requirements. But following Garden State and Wish You Were Here, a study by Cornell University revealed that Zach Braff was leaking methane, a greenhouse gas that was significantly more damaging to the atmosphere than the carbon it was claiming to offset.

Correction: where Zach Braff was written, it should have read Fracking.