BREAKING NEWS – With news that the final hold-out actor, Will Poulter has joined Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol.3, The Screen Actor’s Guild (SAG) have declared an MCU appearance is mandatory for all actors. The Exec spoke with SAGA representative Joleen Knuckles to explain why the MCU appearance is mandatory for all actors.
Joleen, Why Is An MCU Appearance Mandatory For All Actors?
I don’t think ‘mandatory’ is the right word for it. I would say that it’s suggested. It’s just better for everyone, if you catch my drift.
What Do You Mean By That?
Let me put it this way, have you ever tried to put out a fire when your hands have been cut off? No, of course you haven’t. But then again, you aint a fully paid up member of The Screen Actor’s Guild. That fucking punk, Poulter thought he didn’t have to appear in a Marvel film. That is, until Rocko, Stabber and Fucknugget paid him a visit. He saw sense pretty soon after that.
But There Are Lots Of Actors Who Haven’t Appeared In A Marvel Production.
Oh, yeah? Like who? Hang on, wait, let me get my notebook out.
Timothee Chalamet. He Said In A Recent Interview He Wouldn’t Appear In A Super Hero Movie.
Who does that skinny fuckin’ twiglet think he is? Does he know who he’s messing with here? We’re the god-damned SAG. That piece of shit. You wait until I speak to his agent. I’ll have that mofo hanging out of his penthouse balcony by his ankles before he can say ‘Martin Scorsese’. Who else is holding out on us?
I Think You Now Have Every Living Actor Signed Up.
We aint stopping there. We can deep-fake the dead ones. That’s basically what we do with Chris Pratt anyway. We’ll start with Yul Bryner as Professor Charles Xavier in an X-Men reboot. Because they haven’t done that franchise for a couple of years.