BEN AFFLECK OWNS SLAVES, SONY HACK REVEALS

HOLLYWOOD  -Batman star and Argo director Ben Affleck is a slave owner, hacked Sony emails leaked by Wikileaks revealed today.

Ben Affleck (42) revealed his concern about owning slaves when a PBS television show Finding Your Roots, hosted by Professor Henry Louis Gates, uncovered evidence that he was a slave owner, even though slavery had been abolished in 1865 by the thirteenth amendment of the constitution. The emails between the show’s producer and the presenter reveal that Affleck was uncomfortable with the information tarnishing his image. The email reads:

While reviewing the evidence of his ancestors, Affleck said that he didn’t see anything wrong with slave owning and he owned a few himself. As soon as he said it he clapped his hand over his mouth and went quite red. I probed as to whether this was a joke or something. He laughed uncomfortably and said that his slaves were well treated but people wouldn’t understand that the director of Argo would keep slaves and might think badly of him. ‘I’m already getting enough sh*t as it is playing Batman,’ he said.

Hollywood slave owning is nothing new. Steven Spielberg had a large slave plantation in the 1970s and a few months ago Happy Days actor and director Ron Howard was discovered to own an illegal mime farm. Although it is unlikely that Ben Affleck will face criminal charges for the slave owning, there is a chance that his chances of a Best Actor nomination for Batman will be adversely affected.

Batman V. Superman will be released in 2016.

STEPHEN FRY IS ON FOR WIKIPEDIA: THE MOVIE

OXFORDSHIRE – Wilde star, screenwriter and British brain box, Stephen Fry has signed on to write and star in Wikipedia: the Movie.

‘I’m very psyched (I believe one might say) or, as Proust would have it recerche something something,’ said Prof. Fry.

The plot revolves around Giuseppe Wiki and his inability to effectively plagiarise an essay:

Poor Giuseppe gets caught up in all sorts of conspiracy theories, literary scandals of authors puffing up their own work and denigrating that of rivals. Not to mention a massive tsunami of trivia that make old brainiacs like my good self quiver like the proverbial jelly during the biggest earthquake while visiting a jelly mine in jelly stone park. What!

Ridley Scott will direct and Jessica Chastain will play Disambiguation.