WESLEY SNIPES ACCOUNTANCY SCHOOL OPENS

HOLLYWOOD – With campuses in The Cayman Islands, Geneva and Tijuana, The Wesley Snipes Accountancy School is opening for business. The Wesley Snipes Accountancy School will give qualifications in Basic Accounting, Lumpy Carpet Care and Book Cooking. The Exec sat down with Wesley to discuss his latest business venture.

Wesley, Thank You For Agreeing To Talk With Us

No problem, my pleasure. Tell me. Are these chairs real leather?

Um, I Believe So.

Woah. They must have cost a pretty wedge of green, that’s for sure. You know they’re tax deductible, right? Let me take them off your hands for say $50 a piece on credit. I could double your money in two weeks. You see, I gotta guy. He’d give you top dollar for them.

That’s OK, But Thank You Anyway.

Are these carpet tiles stuck down? I don’t think they are y’know. Here, give me a hand pulling this one up. There, I knew it. What did I tell ya? They aren’t stuck down. They got some give in them. I reckon we could get quite a lot stashed under these carpet tiles.

Would You Like To Tell Us About Your School?

Huh? Oh Yeah, sure thing. I’m opening up these schools all around the world. These assets are all registered outside of the good ol’ US of A so the fucking IRS can’t touch them. Smart eh? You bet I am. Fool me once, fool me twice, just don’t go fuckin’ fooling me, ok?

What Are You Teaching In Your Schools?

How to bend those bastards at the IRS right over and give it to them good. Wide end first, know what I mean? Look, it was me that was in Blade, Demolition Man, Drop Zone. All that shit. The fucking IRS weren’t in none of them. Why should they get my money? Anyway, I figured I’d open these schools to teach people the wrinkles, the ways to get around things. You see what I’m getting at?

 

Tax Evasion

Evasion, avoidance. Potato, tomato toe-ma-to. Who cares what you call it. The real sweet thing is that all the fees are charged outside the USA so they don’t get shit. Anyway, your time’s up. That’ll be $1500 please.

We Don’t Pay For Interviews

Why, you piece of shit. You’re as bad as the IRS. I’m outta here dude.

 

The Wesley Snipes Accountancy School Opens Later This Month

GARY MARSHALL PREPS TAX DAY

HOLLYWOOD – Following the success of Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day, Gary Marshall begins filming on his most ambitious project yet Tax Day.

Gary Marshall has become synonimous with the kind of feel good movie featuring a large starry ensemble based on a national day of celebration. New Year’s Day, Valentine’s Day and more recently Mother’s Day have all been universally praised for their depth, their good humor and the way it keeps Julia Robert’s kitchen well stocked in the high quality breakfast cereal to which she has grown accustomed. Now he’s back with Tax Day and Marshall turned up to the Studio Exec bungalow this morning armed with the biggest cake you’ve ever seen. (And we know you’ve spent your lives looking at really big cakes):

I’m always looking for a challenge. People sometimes accuse me quite unfairly of being a commercial director who is looking for just big commercial films to plop in a bunch of soon to be B-listers, but that isn’t fair or true. I’m always looking for social realism.I feel very much like Ken Loach or the Dardennes brothers. So for this film I’m going to show what it’s like on April the 18th. The day a group of disparate characters have to submit their tax forms. Is love Tax deductible?

Who is starring in it?

Ever since I floated the project my phone hasn’t stopped ringing. Jackie Chan, Wesley Snipe, Julia Roberts, Cortney Cox, Jennifer Aniston and Gabriel Byrne all want to be involved. It’s going to be a feel good movie about filling in tax forms.

Filming is due to begin on location in Panama this week.

Tax Day will be released in 2017.