5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT THE GOLDEN GLOBES

HOLLYWOOD – It’s The Golden Globes this Sunday and so the Studio Exec FACT squad has kicked into gear to issue you with five FACTS about the mysterious and little known award ceremony and what it means for you.

1. No one gives a shit about The Golden Globes.

2. The name for the Golden Globes was originally taken from the first draft of Russ Meyer’s unmade James Bond film. In the film, 007 does combat with a villain who is endowed with a massive pair of Golden Testicles. This was changed to a penis and from thence to a finger. Mike Myers later claimed that one of his films was inspired by Meyers’ unmade masterpiece. Which one? That’s right, Wayne’s World

3. Kevin James has never won a Golden Globe. Or an Oscar. But he will win both. And when he does the seventh seal will be broken.

4. When Ricky Gervais hosted the Golden Globes there was a distinct danger they could become entertaining. Thankfully, he has since been removed.

 5. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association pretend to host the Golden Globes, but really the Globes are run by a Masonic Cult with connections to a British Actor’s Ex-Pat club popularly known as the Jolly Bastards. The Jolly Bastards have allegedly committed a series of crimes – including murder, abduction, drug smuggling and animal cruelty – though no charges have ever been leveled because of their sophisticated accents and dry self-deprecating sense of humor. Hugh Laurie is the present president and denies everything glibly.  

 The Golden Globes will be broadcasting live at 5 pm PT and 8pm ET on NBC.

SCRIPT LEAK:WAYNE’S WORLD 3




Int: Wayne’s flat

A MISERABLE LOOKING, BEARDED WAYNE ENTERS HIS FLAT WEARING A HAIR NET AND A BLOOD STAINED APRON. HE HAS A TAG ON HIS APRON WHICH SAYS  ‘MICK’S MEAT PACKING COMPANY’


HE TAKES OFF HIS HAIR NET AND APRON AND PUTS ON HIS USUAL CAP. HE GOES TO THE FREEZER, TAKES OUT A FROZEN PIZZA AND PUTS IT IN THE MICROWAVE. HE THEN OPENS THE CUPBOARD, REMOVES A BOTTLE OF SCOTCH AND TAKES A LARGE GLUG FROM THE BOTTLE.

       (FADE TO BLACK)

Int: Wayne’s flat

WAYNE WAKES UP ON HIS SOFA. THE PIZZA IS ON A PLATE ON THE FLOOR HALF EATEN AND THE BOTTLE OF SCOTCH IS ALMOST EMPTY. HE PICKS UP THE BOTTLE AND FINISHES IT IN ONE GULP. THE DOOR BELL GOES AND WAYNE LIGHTS A CIGARETTE AND STUMBLES TOWARDS THE DOOR. IT’S GARTH WHO APPEARS TO HAVE UNDERGONE A SEX CHANGE OPERATION.

Wayne
Hi Debbie

Garth/Debbie
Hi Wayne

GARTH AND WAYNE WALK THROUGH THE LIVING ROOM INTO WAYNE’S BEDROOM

Int: Wayne’s Bedroom

THE BEDROOM IS MESSY. THERE IS A COMPUTER SET UP IN THE CORNER WITH TWO STOOLS, A GUITAR AND A SMALL ELECTRONIC DRUM KIT. WAYNE AND GARTH SIT DOWN.

Wayne
How many viewers did we get last week?

Garth/Debbie
Like, fifteen.

Wayne
No way!

Garth/Debbie
Way!

Wayne
Excellent!

WAYNE PUT’S OUT HIS CIGARETTE, OPENS A CAN OF BEER AND TAKES A LONG GLUG. HE THEN PICKS UP HIS GUITAR AND GARTH PICKS UP HIS DRUM STICKS.

Garth/Debbie
Are you ready?

Wayne
Ready.

Both (singing)
       It’s Wayne’s World. Podcast. Party time. Excellent. Nur, nur, nur, nur.