OUTSIDE THE ACTOR’S STUDIO: WARREN BEATTY

The Studio Exec sat down with the legendary Warren Beatty to discuss acting, politics and if he really did have sex with Richard Pryor.

 

Hello, Mr Beatty. Thanks for coming.

My pleasure.

 

I know it was a long time ago but can you tell me about how you prepared for the infamous ‘ Squeal like a pig’ scene in ‘Deliverance’?

I wasn’t in ‘Deliverance’. That was Ned Beatty.

 

Really? Is he a relation of yours?

No.

 

Okay. Moving on. The film ‘Network’ often features on critic’s favourite movie lists. What are your memories of making that picture?

I wasn’t in Network.

 

Surely you played the character that delivered the great “You have meddled with the primal forces of nature”, speech?

No, that was Ned Beatty.

 

I see…okay, I’ve got it. Your character Josef Locke in the beautiful ‘Hear My Song’ was…

Ned Beatty.

 

Mmm…it seems there’s been some research errors. What movies have you been in?

Bonnie and Clyde.

 

Of course! A very memorable performance from Faye Dunaway. Any others?

McCabe and Mrs Miller.

 

I think I got half an hour in and fell asleep.

Reds.

 

I’ve heard it’s very long so I’ve never bothered. These are all fine but quite niche movies. Have you been in anything our audience might know?

Shampoo, Heaven Can Wait, The Parallax View?

 

Anything in the last 40 years?

Fine, I was in Dick Tracy.

 

Of course you were in Dick Tracy! It had completely slipped my mind.

It’s okay.

 

Who did you play in Dick Tracy?

Dick Tracy.

 

Yes, Dick Tracy.

I played Dick Tracy in Dick Tracy.

 

Did you? Wow. I only saw it once and that was about 30 years ago.

Do you even know who the f*ck I am?

 

Sure. Moving on. You’ve been in a lot of obscure films but very few really great ones. How come you’re famous?

Because I’m Warren Fucking Beatty that’s why I’m so famous. Brilliant actor, genius director, legendary lover.

 

Legendary lover? Who have you slept with?

EVERYBODY

 

Goldie Hawn?

EVERYBODY

 

Meryl Streep?

EVERYBODY

 

How about Richard Pryor?

EVERY…actually, no.

 

Marlon Brando did.

Really? Jesus.

 

I know. I mean it’s fine to sleep with whoever you want but the thought of Marlon Brando being ground in the arse by Richard Pryor. I don’t know, It’s just difficult to process that picture.

Indeed.

 

Indeed. Unfortunately it looks like we’ve run out of time. Sorry we never got around to talking about your performance in ‘The Wild Bunch’ but Warren Oates, it’s been a pleasure.

 

 

WARREN BEATTY ATTACKED BY A GIANT SQUID

SANTA BARBARA – Reports are coming in that beloved actor Warren Beatty is in a critical condition after he was brutally attacked by a giant squid.

Beatty, 76, was enjoying lunch with fellow actor George Hamilton at the Biltmore Hotel when the incident took place.

“It was a sunny day so we thought we’d have our lunch by the pool,” said a visibly shaken Hamilton:

We’d had a glass of wine and were about to tuck into a bowl of crabs legs when all of a sudden a Giant Squid appeared from out of nowhere and viciously attacked Warren. It was a blur of fists and tentacles and by the time I came to my senses and reached for my salad fork to fend off the beast, it had scurried off into the bushes, leaving Warren battered and bloodied on the veranda.

Paramedics were immediately on hand to attend to Beatty who was swiftly taken by helicopter to the hospital. Meanwhile police have confirmed they have arrested the alleged assailant.

“We have a suspect in custody,” said Captain Frank Rosco of the Los Angeles police department:

He claims that Mr Beatty has been engaged in a long -standing affair with his wife who, during a recent domestic dispute, revealed that Mr Beatty is the biological father of their six daughters.

Asked if the attack was connected in any way to Burt Reynolds recent mauling by a hammerhead shark, Captain Rosco shook his head:

The incident you’re referring to was instigated by a dispute over an unpaid gambling debt and has been settled by both parties out of court.