DENTIST WALTER PALMER NOW DESIGNATED AN ENDANGERED SPECIES

MINNESOTA – The face of Walter Palmer was projected onto the side of the Empire State Building last night to highlight the fact that the dentist who killed Cecil the lion has now been labeled an endangered species.

Following a vicious social media campaign and a personal fatwah issued by Jimmy Kimmel, the World Wildlife Organisation and Greenpeace have both issued statements saying that they believe Walter Palmer is now himself an endangered species along with tigers, dolphins, polar bears, giraffes, pandas and rhinoceros.

A spokesperson for Greenpeace told the Studio Exec:

There was a time that asshole dentists would roam the world—vast herds of them. But with the introduction of more and more urban development, industrial logging and intensive farming practices, they have been reduced to a meager collection scrabbling out multimillion-dollar livings in places such as Minnesota, New York and California. Palmer himself is a representative of a larger problem. And one feels that this recent scandal, following his killing of Cecil the lion, will drive the man far from his normal habitat. He’s so obviously vulnerable now as he himself has become a target for high-end trophy hunters. This is like “Hard Target,” the John Woo film with Lance Henrikson and Jean-Claude Van Damme.

If you wish to donate money to the save Walter Palmer fund, send it to us and we’ll make sure Walter gets it.